As you start to get close, you have to say “deadeye’s ready”. When she says what, scream “It’s high noon!!” and climax. Guaranteed to please 100% of women, 0% of the time.

I had to pause the video and take a moment when Newt fucking Gingrich accused Fox fucking News of liberal bias.

Here’s my take:

I am at a point where if I see the letters S, J, and W being used together unironically, then I read it as a handy shortcut to not waste an ounce of energy on the poster.

Guys... guyyys.... Trump’s not that bad. I mean definitely, DEFINITELY VOTE FOR HILLARY, but he COULD be president, ya know? He might win! He just might! He’s not like, disqualified or anything, just like, not a good choice. But he’s a choice! He’s very popular, after all! And he... created jobs? Or something! So yeah…

Playing my rape victim card: I’ve been raped by a stranger in an alley. I’ve also had my boob grabbed by a guy in an elevator who was trying to hit on me, and a guy in a meeting touch my leg under the table, and a crazy homeless guy grab my crotch. I’m never going to tell you that being raped was better than those…

Trevor Noah nailed this one perfectly: there is a massive difference between using obscene language to talk about your totally consensual sexual experiences and talking about sexually assaulting someone. Is the first one kinda shitty, depending on the situation? Yea. Do your friends probably want you to shut up…

The internet never forgets. 

“He is the only one who can.”

Definitely calling Hope Hicks “Pookie” from now on.

I mean, if these are the the worst they’ve got...this is...not that big a deal? I dunno; I know my fellow millennials REALLY hate that she is like vaguely moderate on certain shit (sigh, but I’m not gonna get into that rn) but after today’s pussy-gate is this really gonna matter? The choices are a qualified candidate…

Yep. I swear that the internet and social media in particular are making this a more widespread problem, too. It’s really popular in some circles (think upper-middle-class, white, suburban) to bake gluten-free, sugar-free, dairy-free, vegan birthday cakes with kale baked in for a baby’s 1st birthday party because God…

It makes sense that there would be a lot of love for pointless abstract films that “experts” can hold over everyone’s collective head and simply say, “You don’t get it.”

Oh, I’m pretty sure the saying is “a few bad apples get placed on administrative leave while the good apples use every hurdle the system offers in order to protect them.”

Here’s my current cop beef. There are good cops and bad cops, just like any other profession. The difference between them and other professions is the need to defend rather than disavow the bad ones. I’m a teacher and my first thought when I hear about something horrible a teacher did is that they have disgraced the…

What do British mice and British royalty have in common?

Flour for Algernon