He looks like Val Kilmer circa Batman Forever.

YES.

*hugs* thank you. I literally thought I was going to either die from an overdose or suicide. I owe the clinic my life for admitting me.

I quit heroin and got on methadone!

Was going to say this but you said it so much better.

Thnk u bb.

OT: how do you pronounce “Grande”, as in Ariana Grande? I always imagine it being said as “grahnd” or “grond” for some reason

I was totes the master of Instagram makeup my junior year of high school... in 2003. My mom called it my “Kabuki facepaint”. I was ahead of my time.

Agreed, although I’m not a fan of his body either. I’m not into guys with lots and lots of muscle definition.

I saw him live a few years back, in San Francisco! Dude puts on a helluva show.

Omg, how could I have forgotten Lillith Fair? And I was a huge Tori Amos fan... Wow. See, like I said, sleep-deprivation

I have mad respect for Taylor Swift because a.) she writes her own music and b.) she plays the guitar. Remember the late nineties when there were virtually no legitimate female musicians that were popular? It was all that rancid Max Martin/Lou Perlman garbage. I digress; I feel like music is in flux right now. Taylor…

“Like she’s such a consumable that the public deserves a more palatable version of her victimhood.” -This is so perfect. So well-written and so well-stated.

After reading the lede paragraph, I was absolutely certain that this article was written by Bobby Finger, even though I hadn’t yet seen who wrote it. Yes, there are certainties in life, like that Bobby has an extremely distinctive writing style.

Hello Clarice.

I thought Kat Von D was currently dating Steve-O of “Jackass” fame?

Which one is eyebrow Jonas? Inquiring minds and all that. *Rushes off to Google*.

Is he the guy with the leather jacket who stole stamps from Heart and Souls?

I agree that she’s pretty, but a lot of that is an illusion. Have you seen pics of her without makeup? Not trying to throw shade; I look like a tin can of roasted sour assholes without my slap.

Also: he’s Ashton Kutcher.