Locked groove (i.e. just a loud screech) like the end of Metal Machine Music

Pandering to who exactly? Coffee house hipsters?

Me too. Six months (based on AVC's review) you would've thought it was a lock. Also "Smooth Sailing" is my favorite new song of the year.

Hell no, Bowie would bust out his platform shoes from the Ziggy Stardust days and go Road House on those skinny girls.
Don't mess with a man who they once called "Aladdin Sane"

That's basically what Christgau said in his review.

Please, he's the most interesting musical artist we have right now. I'll agree that he's probably an asshole (though I sense that most that posturing is an act), but you can't deny his talent, especially as a producer.

Okay, I know I'm about to sound out of touch but, seriously, I haven't heard of at least half these bands/ artists. Does the AV Club really believe that half these albums are better than Reflektor or Like Clockwork… by QOTSA?

Funny, that's actually a rather optimistic name for emo.
I would have gone with something like "Earth is black, but suicide is painless"

"What the fuck is Waxahatchee?"
-Non-music critics

Jehovah's Witnesses. Every. Goddamned. Sunday. That's the NFL's day!

You can do the same thing with most rap songs too.

Hopefully it features Mitt wandering around his house whispering to spirits with night vision goggles on.

Paint Your Wagon was a masterpiece of homoerotic art goddamnit!

They suspend you from the basketball team for having consensual sex with your girlfriend.

If their underwear can protect me from fire, death, and murder, well, shit, I may just give it shot.

They are the spirits that lord over far, distant planets.

If the Angels were smart they would sign Trout at the end of this year or the next, to a large five or six year contract, so that by the time he hit free agency for the first time, he would already be conceivably on the decline, and then the Halos could resign for less money the second time around. Giving a player,…

You forgot a category: "The day my hound dog died"

I'm a liberal, but even I get a little miffed by the obvious slant in many of those RS political features.

That's because I think the AV Club intentionally chooses music for their best of lists that most people have never heard of, nor care about.
*cue angry responses*