If someone asked me to “be a peach” on their second day at the job, especially if I was their supervisor, I’d peel off their face and eat it.

Speak for yourself - mine is made of snarling wolfheads with razor-tipped teeth and no man who has ever ventured to challenge it has been seen again.

I was really hoping the last sentence would be “I later found out that he contracted a terrible disease in which his asshole turned into wolves that are made of lava and are also acid; it’s very rare and sad.”

Yup. It IS almost like their problem is with women.

Oh dang now I can’t get married

This is like finding out someone you know attends Klan meetings.

Also have you noticed how they’re able to suddenly weigh a lot more when you try to move them? Like a 7 pound cat becomes an unliftable boulder when it doesn’t want to vacate its snoozing spot.

Unless you are actually flying too close to the sun on your wax wings, ladies, no, you cannot have too much confidence.

Idiot Garbage Person Says Garbage Comment About Stuff Garbage Person Isn’t Bright Enough to Comprehend, Returns to Being Made of Garbage.

My guess is it’s about a disgusting, culturally entrenched sense of entitlement over another human being and their bodily autonomy.

You, sir, have won one Internet! Congratulations!

I’m confused as to why people enter careers where they then end up refusing to do their jobs because of their “religious beliefs.”

Has anyone ever told you you’re kind of an asshole? If not, allow me.

Yes. They would have preferred that you die. Consider the woman in Ireland who was allowed to suffer an agonizing death from sepsis over three or four days while doctors refused to intervene to save her life.

........phrenology’s even more dubious cousin, neckology.

Yup, this is what happens when people vote for Republicans. As opposed to voting for people who think women are actually really real humans.

Next the Alabama legislature will codify that only lower-body-garments that come with a Superglue lining can be sold within state limits.

I’m so glad Alabama has solved literally every other problem and now has nothing better to do (oh wait, STD transmission rates in Alabama are nearly double the national average, their teen pregnancy rate is still really high, and some counties in Alabama have illiteracy rates that are double the national average).

Ok I am buying that mascara, only because my beloved Perversion mascara is out of stock (bastards!).

Yup. I did read the preview of her book that’s on Google Books, and she does come across as a dim, sanctimonious twatwaffle, but that being said, I can sympathize with getting unwanted attention because you are just wearing what makes you happy.