This is what playing for the Texans does to a man.

I'm not DeMuro.

Goodguy Musk

Every year I want to make that goddamn chili so fucking badly, and every year my wife is still deathly allergic to beans.

What I'm rooting for: the Patriots win, in overtime, due to an egregious bad call. 75% of the pundits and 99% of the talk show callers will have a stroke, thus cleaning up the airways and the internet to no end.

Boston sports fans are as fairweather as it gets. I lived in Boston from 1990-1992 and I could count on 1 (maybe 2) hands the number of Pats fans I encountered. Sawks fans? Tons. Bruins fans? plenty. Celtics fans? There were many, but as the team went from Larry Bird and titles to Reggie Lewis & Dee Brown not winning…

Debate over Marshawn Lynch's AOTY may be the best debate ever on Deadspin.
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BEEF MODE

But he was only acting in the oldest traditions of Henry Ford.

The NFL has fined Marshawn Lynch $100,000 and sentenced him to 200 hours O.co Coliseum plumbing duty for his interview attire.

This really is impressive. Whenever I try to score on a bender, it ends with me taking a knee to the groin, collapsing to the sticky floor, puking, pissing myself as two burly men throw me outside, and the manager informing me that I'm "banned from this Wal-Mart." So major props to this guy for pulling it off.

Goodell: (hands trophy to Marshawn)

Announcer: Marshawn, you just won the MVP, what are you going to do next?

Goodell: "Marshawn, tell us, how does it feel to be a part of the first team in 10 years to repeat winning the Super Bowl?"

This does not bode well for the Horsepower Kingdom. The Court of the Horsepower Kings must be nervous.

How many cantaloupes can you fit in it? What are Elon's official comments on stancing them? Is the touchscreen large enough to use for hosting a Super Bowl party? Are the door fittings easily convertible to scissor doors? Can I have one in yellow chrome?

"need you home a sap"

Cry and pray.

Think I'll go the complete DIY route and build my own Hammerhead Eagle i-Thrust

Not to mention a code-word filled screed against the cuisine and culture of the Scandinavian diaspora