In Green's defense, it can be difficult to keep one's shit together while waiting for curry to pass.

Cut him and pick up one of the several really good QBs that are just sitting there waiting for a job.

Even if Locust Grove goes on to win the title, who cares? We won't hear from them again for another 17 years.

You sure can tell she wasn't an English teacher.

Roger Goodell Doesn't Know What's Going On

Newton's injury isn't expected to leave any lasting damage, and can't be exacerbated by activity, but he won't play until it's not excruciatingly painful to do so.

Haha. "butt".

Authorities say the couple was discussing marriage and began arguing over whether she should take his name.

Sure the professor can take that $4 refund, but a little while later he's just going to want more.

Interviewer: "You know, that guy who was held prisoner in a desolate hellhole for over 20 years..."

I can't believe Bernier had no clue who Nelson Mandela was. At this point, who hasn't seen Shawshank or The Dark Knight?

On the other hand, because NCAA rules allow bowl participants to receive up to $550 in gifts, all the players at the Detroit game get a free house.

He was definitely the right man in the right Laplace at the right time.

His contribution to touchdown dances will go down as Legendre.

Inmate #1: Jesus Christ, dude! How long have they kept you in solitary?

Yeah, their bite is so filled with bacteria and venom that they literally haven't identified all the ways it will kill you yet. They're discovering new species bacteria in a Komodo Dragon's mouth.

HFord Motor Company would like to point out that the Detroit blimp that couldn't fit through the exit of a basketball arena was not a Ford automobile, but was in fact a Tractor from Crisler.

If that sounds backward, well, that's how the Hall of Fame voting has evolved,

Let this be a warning to all adult NFL hecklers. Stick to the ESPN.com comment section if you want to keep your caps on.

"But it went way too far, and it wasn't very clear that it was a joke, that it was fabricated. If you read it, you might think that it was actually Tiger talking. The whole thing is completely ridiculous."