Cory, don’t you fucking DARE cave to that dance request. There are other men that have yet to marry and you ought to think of their well-being, even if in the future.

The whole thing is a trick question: you shouldn’t be friends with anyone for whom that’s a remote possibility in the first place. The groom should either be a fucking adult and shitcan the idea because men are allowed to have opinions about (and enjoy!) their own weddings, or this guy is not worthy of the sanctity of…

Wild stab in the dark here... you haven’t been asked to stand up on a lot of weddings, have you?

Seriously, the friendship is over with him getting married anyway, why suffer the indignity of his new in-laws rubbing it in?

I would end my friendship with the groom, dissolve my relationships with his entire family and agree to never again speak to any and all of our mutual friends before I would perform in a choreographed dance at his wedding.

Every day at some point, I realize that Trump’s presidency hasn’t even started yet, and then I just yell “FUCK” and twitch a little.

“Old man doesn’t understand how voting works, wants someone to tell him how to feel about things: The story of the 2016 Election.”

I’ve always thought of the Prius as a niche vehicle but this is ridiculous.

Wake up, Lebron. Wake up. 😢

Kids these days are so soft. Back in my day, you weren’t done in Oregon until you died of dysentery.

Reminds me of the last fight I got in. This guy at a bar was looking at me. So I said, “What the fuck you looking at asshole?” He looks at me and says, “Nothing.” I stood up. “Damn right, you better not be.” This guy had no business fucking with a guy like me, so I said, “ You have no business fucking with a guy like…

...and in an odd way, it wasn’t until he lifted the team up from San Diego and forced it to play on a kind of aircraft carrier thing that could fly and also be a boat and wasn’t directly connected to any particular populace or geography at all that Spanos could SEE the damage he wrought, and the tarnished legacy he…

Somehow, he wasn’t orange enough to sustain it

Counterpoint: The F-35.

Morons.

This is one of the reasons I have any respect for Tax the Rich. They don’t feel the incessant need to justify where the money came from; we’re rich, we do cool shit, deal with it.

Your waist?

Works for Patriots fans

Jaywalking ftw