I think if you realize you are going to piss yourself, the least you can do is not do it where food is being served and others have to clean up your bodily waste. Really. Walk outside and stand between two cars if need be.

I feel like I will never forget that. I just googled to see how long it’s been, and “astronaut di—” gave me “astronaut diaper murder plot” with a quickness that made me feel less alone.

Someone posted this link a while back, and it seems like a good place. I wish you the best.

Yes! They come from outside every summer; my neighbor says they mature in the trees and then go looking for water in our plumbing. They make me want to die but I just put boric acid along all the seams of the floor, bleach in all the plumbing, and spray with bleach whenever I see one. The entire arsenal costs about…

I’d avoid a first person thing, unless you kind of want to tell her how much she means to you at the same time, like with something sweet like:

You’ve never heard of Schrodinger’s entrepreneur? She’s responsible for all her company’s success, and also has nothing to do with her company. She really can do it all! Amazing.

Yes!! And!! Beyond the fact that putting inspirational quotations in emails is sick and disturbing, having just ONE favorite quotation that you repeat thousands of times, regardless of circumstance or receiver, is even weirder. That is psychotic.

I mean...

I married an English guy and my stepdad spoke to him in some sort of Cockney hybrid every. time. he. saw. him. “ELLO, GUVNAH!!” “Can you not?” “AW LUV I’M JUST TAKIN THE PISS!!”

On the Republican wealth=merit/value scale, a soup kitchen worker is a drain on society while Jennifer Lawrence must be saving the world.

Nothing pissed me off more than than “she has to earn my vote.” People straight up put themselves above the collective welfare of millions. They invented that premise to put themselves at the center, to justify selfishness at the expense of the whole country. Literally nothing and nobody else mattered—no degree of…

If you need to save money, put on a baseball cap and take the jewelry off and get it done. He doesn’t have to sit with the rest of us, naked and vulnerable, while waiting to board. Big airports have all this dialed in and uber-famous people fly commercial all the time without inconveniencing others significantly. I…

This right here. The “lesson,” if you are that kind of insufferable godparent who is always gracing the youth with your smug bullshit, is that despite struggling with a painful disease you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy, she helped an enormous number of people and inspired millions more in her life. Including the…

You are totally allowed to be bothered by it. You’re the not-crazy part of this. You wouldn’t question yourself if your loved ones were addicted to anything else that was hurting them and you.

I’d be pretty annoyed, and probably less likely to put myself out there in a similar way for him again. Then I’d be supportive if he followed through on grad school. Just see what happens.

My street is lined with enormous jacarandas and it’s like a painting when they’re in bloom, but I have jacaranda seedlings volunteering all over my garden and in my potted plants. I will send you as many as you want.

I didn’t even know people had mandatory get togethers for father’s or mother’s day! This is terrible.

Presumption of innocence is a legal standard, nothing more. It’s an instruction to the jury in court cases regarding the technical work before them, of deciding whether the prosecution has met a certain level of proof which varies from legal to civil court and has nothing to do with the realm of personal judgment.

You’re the only one who’s decided having to buy tickets is some sort of deathblow to her livelihood. The ritual of gifting tickets to critics is just a cultural flourish of theater. It’s not a part of what she needs to do her job; it’s a ceremonial perk. She is not harmed by its removal; she would just have less…

You take a candle and leave soot marks along the walls as you go. But I like the yarn one too, because it would remind you of kittens when you need it most.