Back in the day when you could first remotely take over another person's computer Mr. ClementineTangerine had set up our computers to do just that and while I was at home on the computer he (from work) took over my desktop and mouse without telling me. He thought it was silly and funny (he opened a blank Word document…

Don't you think God is kind of a dick if he made me so pretty to look at and then doesn't let you look at me? It kind of seems like your God is a douchebag, Christian males, ages 13-30. I mean, no offense, or anything.

As a former smoker, this video made me gag a few times and then I got vicariously nauseous. I feel like I need to wash my hands and face, throw my clothes in the wash and open all the windows.

@odonata: Also tricky: peruse. It means the opposite of how people often use it.

Oh how embarrassing for him. Bless his little broken heart.

Why does a woman ever say "I'm not a feminist"? What does she think a feminist is? What version of a feminist is she choosing to disassociate with? I know that's not a question about the whole kid issue, but I never ever understand it when women tell you that they are not a feminist.

@morninggloria: So funny. Sometimes I feel confident that no matter how tough things are in my marriage, neither of us could figure out how to divorce each other. Like, what do we do? Call a laywer? Whose going to pay for that? What, I have to move? Where would I go? Will he help me move my shit because it's not like…

Whoooooohoooooooo!!!! So ordain lots and lots and lots of women. Keep it a known fact to everyone involved but relatively hush hush. Then when it comes out take forever and ever to do anything about it and move around the offending bishops a bit. Finally, when public outcry demands that something be done, just…

I think it's less about how she feels about his Christianyness and more about how he treats her about her agnosticyness. If he's delighted by how open and flexible she is about religion and faith, then rock on. If he thinks she lacks faith and needs to be saved, then that's a irreconcilable problem, I think.

Breaking News: The average woman bought some new things and hasn't yet thrown away the old things!

My favorite is the uber-prudey responses from the the hosts of the shows like your middle school friends when you drop the F-bomb at the lunch table only to find out there was a teacher standing right behind you. ZOMG I NEVER HEARD SUCH AWFUL WORDS TO BE SAID!

@BlondeGrlz: Thanks, that's a good point. But my single mom worked long and odd hours, we lived in an apartment complex for much of my childhood, and, while it was more privilege than some people my childhood was certainly not on the privileged side of any spectrum. She would bring my little sister and we'd go sell…

@BlondeGrlz: I really learned something important from selling cookies. My mom always came with me when I sold door to door (in our neighborhood). I learned that enthusiasm sells. I learned which sort of sales techniques worked. I learned that when people bought something, it was never about how good the product was…

I think cookies sales are one of the most legit fundraisers that kids do for anything. If for no other reason than that you really really want those cookies. They're rare and specific and no one else sells them and they're genuinely really good. Much better than kids who sell wrapping paper (seriously - I don't want…

Bristol to Levi: So here's the thing, asshole. First of all, thanks for the $87 in child support: god you're such an idiot. Anyway, my mom is going to run for president and she's going to lose, we all know that. But she has a base of constituents who love her and when the election is over, those fans are going to…

I don't think it's ok for her to dress like that, is it? She's wearing sex clothes (that's what Mr. Clementine calls lingerie...hee hee). Is it legal for her to smoke? Why do we dress girls up in sex clothes when it's not legal to have sex with them? Why do we take pictures of her smoking when it's not legal for her…

"Whatever the case, the Girl Scouts are going to need more than a new hairdo if they want to show everyone they're better than their baked goods."

Went to the drugstore once with Mr. Clementine and bought a pregnancy test. The male cashier said, "Hopin' ya are or hopin' ya aren't?"

@Kweeston: Cue spit-take and immediate surrender of phone number. How cute.

I was a sophomore in college studying to be a high school English teacher. The university had taken a group of 50 of us on a bus tour of school districts in the state to learn about the field of education. We were visiting our first high school and I was all dressed up in what I thought were teacher clothes being…