I'm wondering how CRIMSON would have responded to the following email (replied to all, of course)

OMG. I just had an epiphany as to why I so desperately wanted to be so brown and why my red-headed teen self was always sooooo sunburned.

Dear Chachi,

We need mandatory paternity leave.

@AmbivalentAlumna: If he added, "But if I ever need advice on how to win a beauty pageant I'll totes give her a call," it would have been perfect.

#3 Anthropologie does the same thing — layers funky things that you wouldn't think go together but then you think they're so cute and so you buy them and you wear them out and think you're so fashion forward and then ::ahem:: you catch a glimpse of yourself in a shiny elevator door and realize that on a regular…

I like her and I think this show is lovely. The teacher in me says that she's making great progress.

Maybe they should use the terms people-who-believe-any-pregnancy-is-a-human-being-and-that-any-abortion-is-therefore-murder and people-who-think-that-an-early-pregnancy-is-a-collection-of-tissue-that-can-be-easily-and-harmlessly-removed-before-becoming-a-human-being.

@HoneyBoom: you're soooo right on the weed and the orgasm and the iron/roughage.

I describe mine as all of my insides liquifying and squeezing out of me like hot sludge through a me-sized pastry bag.

Anytime I look at Jennifer Aniston I want her to get 8 inches of hair cut and then pull all the rest back in a ponytail. I feel like my mother, "Pull your hair back, honey, nobody likes talking to you when your face is full of hair."

@loosesealbluth: I would have been really lesbian for Civics. I wonder if it would work to also be gay for the DMV and gay for taxes.

@Clare116: this is the funniest thing i have seen all day. heart. literally loled.

Please remember that some cool aunts are just cool people that weren't able to be cool moms.

I heart you so hard for not being a soda drinker. I don't like sweet drinks as a rule: soda, sweet iced tea, i don't sweeten my coffee, i'm not a fan of juice. I drink milk, unsweet iced tea, club soda & sparkling water, and a ton of beer.

True confession:

@PaintedTrollop: I suspect that he'd come over to try to pick us up regardless and that he'd call us "lady" in some creepy sexy voice and then we would both laugh and spittake our beer. And then we'd say "for the love of god, go hit on some girls your own age" and then giggle about how we are soooooo glad that that…

@femme-bot: If we cared about each other, we'd stop the process mid-sex and pre-orgasm... Immanot gonna let you finish because i can tell right now that imma not gonna finish, so it's been a lot of fun and see ya later! Then they'd all perform so much better, terrified that they'd get booed off the stage…

@juicy n seedless: Oh. And if that doesn't work: go shopping. I find that Home Depot, Target, and any pharmacy does it for me if I browse long enough.

There is nothing I heart more than a person who introduces themselves by their poop status!