SAY IT WITH ME NOW, FRIENDS

Get one that says “Hawn” and hang out together.

He’s not in the least interested in being a dad.

Dads, having more kids will not increase your dadness. You have a fixed amount of dad, and you have to dad it equally among all your kids. Just dad a small daddable group of kids, and each kid will get more dad. That’s just sensible dadmath.

no, please do not shame Hobbits. Glum???

I’ve been diligently practicing controlling my face muscles in anticipation of their visit next month. I’m still very proud of myself that I managed to not roll my eyes when I got the news.

Yup, I know that folks think the speed and trajectory of this relationship is crazy and while it may be, it also might not be quiiiiite as fucked up as it seems. My beloved and I were volatile as hell for our first few years. That includes a year and a half of dating, then marriage, then baby two years into the…

WOW. What is with guys who can’t make normal gestures of love/kindness during a relationship and then go zero-to-fucking-nutjob in an effort to “get someone back?” It isn’t a Grand Gesture that shows you’ve changed, guys; you look delusional. At best.

Okay, so remember the guy who dumped me at his family reunion? About five months later, I stopped by for the ol’ picking-up-the-crap-you-left-at-your-ex’s-place-but-want-back visit. Now, he’d bought a house earlier that year, and while it was perfectly nice, he was doing a complete renovation. When we were together,…

OK. I will confess to feeling very small over having a reaction to my childhood sweetheart’s facebook. His kids look like him an I had an unexpected wave of, wow, those could have been our babies...weird. I love my husband like crazy and we have a beautiful family, but I had a gut reaction that I never expected.…

I think I would be upset if most of my exes got engaged (I’m on okay terms with like two of them), but not because I love them deeply or anything. It would be because I find them to be entirely loathsome individuals and I want them to be alone and preferably miserable forever.
I am not as nice as I pretend to be.

That has to be the most fucked up thing I've ever heard. This may sound illogical, but you should be able to press charges for...something. Emotional fuckery? I'm so sorry you went through that. There should be a special place in hell for him and his entire fucked up family for being complicit in all that shit.

yeah i wouldn’t even allow the girl my husband hooked up with in college even though he still considers her a friend (though they haven’t talked in years) because she is in the same friend group as his other college buddies. nope sorry no one we used to fuck is coming to our wedding.

Hey, people can die at any time. Celebrate getting a year older. It matters.

When I saw this, I thought I should share my story but didn’t because it’s so fucked up it’s almost unbelievable.

On the opposite side of the spectrum, I expect amazing celebrations for my birthday. But I orchestrate them myself because I’m a grown-ass adult. “No cards or gifts please: just come to my home and imbibe all this lovely alcohol I’ve purchased for all of us as we dance and karaoke and game.”

I managed to bite my tongue when my ex got engaged after 3 months of dating the girl he met after me, after dumping me because he just didn’t want to be involved in anything serious.

“Congratulations. I’m sorry that for some reason you decided not to invite me, despite us spending so many good times together. Sad face.”

my ex - who has the same first name as my husband