Aaaaaaand my jaw just hit the floor.

Ran into an ex, had a nice chat. Sat down the next morning to a cup of coffee, my phone buzzed and it was a picture of his junk post masturbation, all red and gross with the caption “Cloudy with a chance of rain.”

Sorry everybody I am pretty sure I have the best/worst one. Maybe it's good enough for someone to get me out of the greys?! And no, we're not together.

I’d say the color of a lake but then they couldn’t see it :(

Once I was dating a girl and she asked for a dick pic. I’m very uncomfortable sending out pictures of my dick, but I took one and sent it. First however I used the walking dead make yourself a zombie app to make it humorous and not in any way erotic. She was not pleased. Here is the picture, in all its glory:

This was my sister dicking around on my tinder, but “U have a vagina serious?” “??” is one of my all-time favorite exchanges

This was from this past weekend. I was with my mom and sisters for a girls trip for mamas day.

Mr. Macgyner once, while stuck at a truck stop due to a broken down bus, said he was “in a trucker mood” and asked me to send him a “saucy picture.” We were not in a great spot, and I’m not into the whole sending pics thing (which he fucking knew!) so I was inordinately annoyed, and thought, “You want a saucy picture?…

Me: YOU LEFT FOOD SCRAPS IN THE SINK AGAIN

No screencaps, because it was AIM over a decade ago, but Mr. Fist of the Pon Farr messaged that he “wanted to see a boob”. I told him to look in the mirror, and from there on out, we were good.

My first text EVER was sort of a sext. Long story short, Facebook message discussion about favorite alcoholic drinks, I respond mine is a buttery nipple, receive photo via text from the lovely fellow I have been with four years from then of his nipple smeared with butter. Text reads, I’ll show YOU a buttery nipple.…

My husband once told me that in middle school he and his friends would ask each other if they had given a “hot beef injection,” and everyone said oh yeah, but of course none of them had any idea what they were talking about. It has been my favorite euphemism ever since.

All the best silly sexts are from my gf. I remember her saying that she liked the consistency of muscles because it reminded her of a penis skeleton. Not a penis made of bone, she clarified, but a whole skeleton made of penises. And that was a sexy thought to her. All that while sexting.

Tounge. It’s always the tounge. Some dude always wants to get after me with his tounge.

What about misinterpreted sexts? I get a t(s)ext from a dude in college I’ve been giving the cutie eye to, he says, “yo come over, my roomies are gone ;).” I put on my best bra, zip up a track jacket just so he can see the black lace, get ready to go over and... he just wanted to play Rock Band. Unsexiest non-sext.

*reads reviews on TripAdvisor*

My mum was told by doctors in late 1970s (UK) that she wasn’t pregnant till being 3 months along. Silly woman was obviously having a premature menopause like duh. Women in their mid 40s can’t get pregnant like duh even though there was a strong family history of later pregnancy in my fecund Irish farming family. They…

A baby I had been expecting for 10 months came out of me and I was pretty traumatized. I can’t imagine a surprise baby.

As an L&D nurse, I have seen this a few times. 4 times in 8 years to be exact. The body, the BRAIN... f’n wild. One of the kids was born in the toilet— mom was convinced she was a massive shit.