Mental note: start going to these awful festivals with supplies of feminine hygiene products. Profit!!!

I can’t stop laughing. Cats are such assholes. I thought my cat was an asshole for vomiting on my pillow (while I was away) but THIS is just so much worse. I’m so sorry!

OMG. So on a trip to SF for work several years ago. I should preface this by saying that I have migraines that sometimes are triggered by food but are always triggered by lack of sleep.

i threw up all over my own desk once in second grade, while we were all silently reading/doing work. it was all bile. i think i didn’t eat or something and i wasn’t feeling well because of it.

That’s... EIGHT LOKOS!!! :-O

I have THE BEST BATHTUB in the world. It’s an antique iron, claw foot tub. When you fill it up with hot, hot water, the whole thing just radiates perfection. That bathtub is my refuge. That bathtub is my Fortress of Solitude. That bathtub makes awful days into cathartic tub cries.

I also love that they thought a pregnant woman passed out and started having a seizure AND STILL GAVE HER NO ASSISTANCE! Life is precious, my ass.

mass must go on! that’s what i was told. the nurse at the er later was equally incredulous. google the sspx, they aren’t nice people.

A few years ago I was working as an environment reporter at a small newspaper on the Gulf Coast when some of my buddies from the Department of Wildlife and Fisheries invited me along to cover the release of a rehabilitated sea turtle. I was like, BEST ASSIGNMENT EVER.

Me and the ex hit this awesome little place in Mission Beach, CA called the Wavehouse a few years ago. We were apparently super excited to get there because we didn’t eat before we left the house. We got to the place around 11am and we were starving. We hit the bar and ordered food and, of course, drinks. Some white…

YOU WERE HAVING A SEIZURE AND THEY IGNORED YOU

Alright, I’ve never posted anything on Jez but I can’t resist this one-

I learned that lesson (the hard way, obviously) - years later when I was teaching elementary school, I always made sure to tell my students that if it was an emergency, it’s ok to just go. You can explain when you get back.

I don’t know if this really counts as sick, but I did get a horrible period when I was 15 at Ozzfest in Texas in the middle of the summer. That wouldn’t have been so bad but I was there with three of my uncles. None of my aunts had come along and there was no place at all that sold tampons or pads in the venue. Not…

I always tell my boys to run to the bathroom without asking if they feel nauseous, because the teacher will understand and will appreciate that they didn’t puke or shit in class. I wish I could go back in time and give your parents some lessons so that you could have avoided mistakes like that :P

SFO. Before I dropped my hubs at the airport, he wanted sushi, because he was going to Puerto Rico for three weeks on a business trip and knew he would spend the entire trip eating roadside barbeque, fried plantains, and beans and rice.

One Friday at a college quad event I was two Four Lokos into my journey of mid-day inebriation and was refusing to get out of the rented dunk tank (which was THE FUNNEST THING IN THE WORLD when both trashed and hyper-energized). Long story short, after 20 minutes of being violently dropped and jostled I obviously…

I think I’ve got the creme de la creme. When I was 12, my family took a trip to Disneyworld. The first day there we did the usual rides, food, etc. (Tower of Terror is the shit!!!!). While waiting in line for The Great Movie Ride I started getting a little groin pain. At first I thought I just really needed to pee.…

I have a super dramatic fainting story. When I was in college, whenever I came home for breaks I had to go to church with my family (I was an atheist then as now, but it was a requirement of the house.) It was a super conservative catholic church with latin mass. It goes without saying there was to be no eating before…

Living in DC. felt crappy when I woke up, but I had a thing I had to do in the morning, so I went to work. Kept dashing to the bathroom throughout the morning, but nothinh came up, so I told my boss “hey, I’m not feeling great, can I go home?” He said yea.