It’s complicated. I own what happened and don’t characterize it as rape but there is regret, shame and rationalizing involved. I just resolve to make different choices from now on and for me that means removing alcohol from the equation.

I agree. I remember him inside me saying my name over and over. No memory of how we got back to the room or to the point of penetration. I liked the guy and wanted something to happen but think I used alcohol so I wouldn’t have to decide to become intimate and could say “it just happened.” But my non-decision WAS a…

My husband is in recovery for another substance and no alcohol is part of his process. Since he was going clean and sober I quit “to support him” but I realized I had my own issues with alcohol. We celebrated our anniversary last night with a fancy dinner. I worried it would feel incomplete without a glass of wine but…

No liquid regrets either. I’m out of the dating scene but I imagine men may not like sober me as much. I saw the dating profiles that said “no drinking/drugs” and thought, nope. I thought the correct answer to the drinking question was “socially.” What a wide range that is!

I have to tell you, I’ve been an active, willing participant in sex with NO MEMORY of it the next day. I have to own that.

I feel there’s also a cultural phenomenon that I absorbed. A drink after work to relax, “study juice” ie wine, beers with friends. There is a real effort to normalize excessive drinking in our culture that I only noticed when I stepped away from alcohol. I also noticed myself getting sneaky about refilling my…

Blackouts are scary. I had blackout sex for the first time with my last boyfriend. I made him into a boyfriend to legitimize what happened. What happened was a weird, blurry thing between consent and...um, not consent? I was wasted. So was he. What is that? There was no violence. I still struggle with this. We were…