When we were little, my sister'd lick all the icing off the cupcakes and put them back on the plate. You could have had those.

Is this an indication that our opinion about David Sedaris has turned, or is it merely a slam at Andy Rooney, whose glorious eyebrows I have (says my wife)?

Fifteen or twenty years ago, a principal at a school near me started going after kids for wearing Marilyn Manson t-shirts. I have always held that against that principal: Making me have to form an opinion about fucking Marilyn Manson, about whom I had hitherto been happily agnostic.

I have been assured by a very knowing American of my acquaintance in London, that a young healthy child well nursed, is, at a year old, a most delicious nourishing and wholesome food, whether stewed, roasted, baked, or boiled; and I make no doubt that it will equally serve in a fricasie, or a ragout.

I visited my kid's middle school right after the seventh grade did Maus as a class read. All over the hallways were posters: mice, cats, and LOTS of swastikas.

Given what my real name is: Up yours, Jack.

Yep. Looks pretty squirrely to me.

"I do believe in Pickle! I do! I DO!"—JM Barrie

Please—they prefer to be called Rickle and Huckle.

My wife would have been there in a minute if that had been our kid's teacher. She'd have demanded an apology if not a letter of resignation.

Did you draw swastikas all over it? If there's anything seven-year-olds like, it's swastikas.

I don't see the problem with lack of folding.
1. Teacher assigns "letter to the President."
2. Class writes letters (including Dylan, who's the class clown).
3. Teacher googles address of White House.
4 Teacher mails entire stack of papers, unfolded, in manila envelope to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.
5. (Yesterday's press…

I have to type my own shopping lists, and I'm not a Millennial. I just do not give a damn about legible handwriting.

Okay. I'm reading "Pickle," but I'm seeing Butters.

Like my Uncle Steve was when he ratted out the Frankie "Big Gherkins" Pickellini. (He's now at 4486 Alma Street, Dayton, OH.)

Fuck college-ruled paper. I had to double-space to be minimally legible when I used it.

Annnnnd now I see him as that awful kid who's going to be Young Sheldon Cooper.

I am serious: I expect the same degree of press scrutiny Dan Rather got when he cited the Bush/Texas National Guard letter.

**Trump introduces legislation to allow nine-year-olds to vote.**

Trump may have fucked us in many ways, but without him I would never have read the phrase Pickle Truther. Thanks. Orange President!