My favorite Matt Lauer performance. He's trying to talk down a witness to the shitstorm of 9/11, and she (rightly) is telling him "MOTHERFUCKER, IT'S THE APOCALYPSE."

1. Bo is a classic character.

Will it have Spider Solitaire for my wife?

Since it is a French bulldog, I looked up how to say "Poochie" in French. Apparently, it would be "Cabotie."

… which is the state beverage in the Great Commonwealth of Kentucky

Steal his ring and give it to Putin.

One of my kids is named Brendan. Lots of folks hereabouts think that my wife and I are idiots and do us a favor by pronouncing it as "Brandon," which they assume we must surely have meant.

My friend has a kid named Haydn (as in the composer). I wonder how many people assume the kids' parents are weirdo white people and pronounce it "Hayden."

Horse-cules.

Everybody with taste buds, you mean.

Crackle is a good place to go for some classic sitcoms. The snark-hate it gets is baffling.

I don't eat beef, and I am about done with soy sauce. But I want to praise this article because it is so informative—why use cornstarch; why not slice mushrooms uniformly. It satisfied a curiosity I didn't know I had.

It could be worse. He could keep calling him Walmart.

And … we're off on another thrilling my-favorite-sandwich thread!

DAMN.. Geraldo just slapped that Kendrick bitch around like he was Kurt Vonnegut's daughter.

Geraldo's Drake comment does two things:

I am a middle-aged white guy whose favorite garment is a hoodie. Cops have never bothered me!

As your neighbor on the other side, I just want to tell you guys to turn that shit down. Some of us are trying to sleep around here.

And what a GREAT joke it is!!

"I can't say as ever I was lost, but I was bewildered once for three days."—Daniel Boone