I ate a bowl of Corn Flakes at my grandma's. She only had whole milk and refined sugar. It was indeed better than sex.

Name of a sexual position?

My wife's going out of town tomorrow, and she won't be back till Sunday! That means I can have the Fool's Gold Loaf for dinner tomorrow, and she won't find my corpse for three whole days!

Hell, yes.

Crustless??!!

Last week, the reviewer at Salon called Fargo a "true crime series."

Calvin Trillin proposed that spaghetti carbonara replace turkey as the traditional Thanksgiving dish.

I was going to write Infinite Jest. Bastards beat us to our shot at immortality.

Even Death knows better than to cross Chuck Norris.

The one at the top: What Hall and Oates look like after the Botox.

"Mistakingly." Hahahahahahaha!

Make your own shredded lettuce (3 easy steps)

Homophobe.
Unless some of those 5 guys are gay, in which case, carry on.

Jarhead? Jurrrd? Blake?

Donut do that.

How did you know my dick wears glasses?

Whatever happened to Hate Song?

I went to the Harvard of the South.

Duolingoing German sounds like a fun sex move but a really filthy fun sex move.

Sgt. Pepper is the Greatest Album, but Revolver is the Beatles' best album.