That the Assassins are the heroes of Assassin’s Creed is probably something we’re just meant to take on faith.

“These guys are looser than secondhand-socks. They pass the ball like its coated in anthrax. There are so few big heads on this team, you’d think they’d all contracted Zika virus in their mothers’ wombs.”

Sure, I goosed that burrito toward the lardier end, but you’re 480 calories deep as soon as you put the chicken in the tortilla; once you’ve waddled that far, there’s no point dancing around the edges.

If you don’t think Arsenal are struggling to keep their title hopes alive, you clearly aren’t an Arsenal supporter.

98?

Get real. If you can’t appreciate a great play like this, of this absurd reaction and perfect stick placement - the details of which are only apparent when slowed down to 1 fps - then there’s something wrong with you, not hockey.

I know they’re an abject failure: my point is acting like winning Europa League is more likely than getting top four domestically is perhaps optimistic.

Surely crawling their way into the top four is an easier feat than winning the Europa league?

This is now the longest thing I have ever read on the internet - and the idea that Queen Elizabeth II is actually a lizard isn’t even the craziest thing in it.

the character was certainly better used in the show’s much-improved second season.

Blocked at work!

I don't even know any more :/

Poochy Poppins?

“define scientist.”

There were some funny moments - Gus trying to play it cool for his child actor pupil, Mickey's boyfriend challenging her to a reading contest or going shopping for pants with his mom - but yeah, I'm not sure why I'm supposed to really care for these characters or hope they find love (or buy that they'd find love with…

Isn’t Colombia a tougher opponent than Uruguay? Chile would’ve been tougher, too.

Close: he thinks a man dressing as a woman/girl is funnier. Not that I want to defend a hack like Jimmy Fallon, but it’s less sinister than all that (this sort of low-effort drag - i.e. drag as punchline - has a long, if not storied, tradition in drama and comedy).

I'm not sure which, but a Horatio Alger is almost certainly the quintessential American novel: optimistic without cause, embarrassingly low quality, cloyingly moralistic and nobody's actually read it.

Yankee Stadium has historically not allowed mobile tickets at all. Sounds like they’ll be offering that functionality only through official channels (i.e. not Stubhub).

and lets them write good stuff without over-managing even editing them a little bit