I’ve been a Buffalo Bills fan my entire football-loving life. My father is a Bears fan, but he also used to make crank in our bathtub, not sure which is the bigger mistake. Not wanting to follow in his footsteps, I chose the Bills to be my own mark of shame. I now realize that it was the crippling childhood depression…

Your loss. Reid’s got better tits.

As great as the piss narratives were, that picture of the two guys at the urinal is art in its purest form.

Ahhh the memories of going to the Ralph...

“And that’s how you clean a vagina. Pay attention, cheerleaders.”

Whoa. People in Buffalo are so jaded, they hate their own moms.

I was at the Kevin Everett game, sitting in the end zone with my ex-wife who is a Broncos fan. The Everett injury was probably only the fourth strangest thing to happen at that game that included:

she is by far the dumbest and worst person I have ever met

William McKinley got off easy.

“Great Moments in Pisstory,” clearly.

That doesn’t stop Tony in Cheektowaga from thinking we’re going to the Super Bowl this year.

The line for that is even longer than the line for vegan dogs.

They now play in the NFL equivalent of an outlet mall.

I remember when flat brimmed hats worn slightly askew meant you were in the slow classes at school.

The rats are deserting the sinking ship in Santa Clara, and personally I think it couldn’t happen to a better team. (Okay, the Washington Epithets and Dallas Cowbrats would deserve it more, but just give it time). A brand new stadium that bakes fans and players alike with a field that looks like it was just trampled…

Why would Niners fans drink that, when for a mere $90 you can probably get some sort of Pinot Noir made from the grapes atop Levis Stadium? I’m sure for an extra $15 they could just pour it right in your eyes.

"Why all the hate against poor old Jed York?!? We think he's absolutely wonderful" — EVERYBODY, Ann Arbor, MI

David Carr’s underwear went to brown every time he dropped back behind those offensive lines.

Bryan’s story reminds me of the time when I scored my first double digit (ok, ok, first double field goal) game in elementary school. I was so excited and I came home and told everyone, because fuck if my family would come out on a weekend to watch their nerdy kid play sports and you know, make friends or build…