As an absentee voter for the Iowa 4th (who admittedly hasn’t lived in the US since I was 4 years old, but hey, if I have to waste my time filing with the IRS every year, then I’m damn sure gonna keep voting!), I just keep wondering what the hell is going on in my district that gets this slimeball re-elected every…

The Cubs, Cavs, Eagles, and now Caps have all won championships in the last few years. Clearly the apocalypse is upon us.

The internet was a mistake.

I’ve become a fan of the new playoff format because it helps keep fans’ interest throughout the playoffs. Normally the second round can be the most boring, as the initial excitement from the start of the playoffs has died down, but the big matchups haven’t really happened yet, and the finals still seem pretty far…

“Thank God for Trevor Bauer.”

NBA is the worst. At least in baseball a bad team can still plausibly beat a good team any given game. But in basketball the odds of a bad team even keeping up with a good team, let alone winning, are minuscule. And then you get to watch them get destroyed for eight whole months!

I do do doping.

Curling is basically Canada’s bowling, so yes.

I lost a bet to my ex-girlfriend because of that game and had to wear her tiny Elway jersey to school the next day. That Tebow voodoo, man.

Man, seeing Belichick on the “Fire This Asshole!” list is just weird.

I would wager a significant amount of money that Trump asked about aliens on his first day as president. Maybe even in the first hour.

If NFL Network is this bad, I can only imagine how horrifying things are at Fox Sports.

The men’s hockey is going to be fucking terrible.

Consider this a write-in for Dean Spanos.

“Sum Ting Wong” will always hold a special place in my heart.

What was it like at the New York Post?

At what point does America get so bad that you seriously start to look into moving to another country?

Will the Cubs actually do it this year?