whoa she has amazing vibes

She won over my respect. The following is a 100% true story:

Really? I do have external genitalia and I kinda want to give birth her children. But I'm probably not tough enough for her.

I normally think initial and name plate necklaces are dumb, but I love this Old English take. Google searching now to order my own.

Everyone wants to know what happened to the last chef after that incident but I want to know her entire life story BEFORE. What kind of life did she live where she even knew how to do that?

Awwww, look - her feet aren't touching the ground!

Here's a clear shot of Tay-Tay:

Not to be "that girl" but it says 5 PM, not AM in the story.

Can I play #RupertsFault?

Wow, y'all are really making a splash with these inaugural posts. The body horror about the triplets, the crazy incoherent vanilla extract post, and now this nice little bit of hateful ageism in what is essentially a bogus news story crafted specifically to allow nasty comments about non-Millennials:

Of all the injuries I've read so far this one made me cringe the most.

My brother once managed to get an entire chunk of landscaping wood chip under his big toenail when we were playing in the yard as kids. It's been in my top 5 nightmares ever since. I would seriously rather be shot than have something get under my nail. Eugh.

Oh and to post on behalf of my husband, he gave himself a concussion on our homemade slip-n-slide that was actually a 100ft long piece of painters plastic. I had suggested putting an inflatable pool at the bottom but he said it wasn't necessary and went hard into that metal fence. I'm not sure if this was dumb,…

I did #1! I remember 5yo me thinking, "oh, right, that's totally what happens when you staple your thumb" as soon as I did it. Sigh. Sometimes I am amazed that the human race made it this far.

I did that in bed once! Reached down one-handed to hike the covers a little farther up, but they were caught on something and didn't budge, so I just yanked harder. At which point I lost my grip and punched myself in the face. No lasting damage, but my husband couldn't go to sleep for twenty minutes b/c he was…

Well, my now husband and were having pizza one afternoon. After we were done eating, one thing lead to another and I starting giving him a good ol BJ. I was horny, so was he, so I got on top and started riding away, enjoying ourselves. Then I felt a slight burning sensation. I was like, oh whatever, it'll go away.…

Dislocated my jaw by yawning.

I yawned my face off.

Once, in a fit of teenage rage, I sliced the entire bottom of my foot off walking up the stone steps of our laundry room. And through my incredible teenage rage, I didn't register the pain or blood and walked around my carpeted house with my foot bleeding so profusely, my parents' came home from a meeting to find me…

This isn't my story, this is my best friends story. My best friend was living in Japan at the time, and her old roommate came out to visit her. My friend and her roommate went out with some friends one night and got REALLY DRUNK.