Ugh. “My gays.” Such a nails-on-chalkboard phrase.

Easy there, Countess Luann. It’s not like “en suite” is an SAT question.

My best friend worked on this show for many years in a very high position (worked very close with Ellen.) Ellen is mean. The only part of the show she enjoys is humiliating people. That is her sole contribution to the show. At every other moment on the show, she is simply showing up and reading cue cards without…

The best mythical creatures ever. They choose beauty; they solve crimes.

Ack. Can we just cool it with using pussy as a euphemism for weak or spineless? I like the word. But come on, Jezebel.

Seems to be the only appropriate response to this situation.

It’s the Irish spelling of Brian, which, having access to a computer or a third grader’s understanding of geography and names, you probably could have figured out all on your little lonesome.

I was hoping that at least one pundit or critic would point out his weirdly low energy when he reads from a TelePrompTer.

His version of investing in women’s health is most likely to increase the wage gap so men make even more than women, ensuring that husbands have enough cash to provide for their wives.

Why are you following them in the first place? If someone follows you, it’s not like you automatically follow them.

Performing a close reading of several paragraphs from Rolling Stone of a profile article on The Migos is an extraordinary level of word gymnastics. I have zero idea what I read, but I commend you nonetheless.

Does it hurt more when your attempted burn backfires from your own ignorance?

Instead of banning abortions, we should ban fertile ejaculate. Perhaps a system of mandatory vasectomies for pre-pubescent boys that can get reversed when they produce a marriage certificate to their doctor.

I don’t want Chrisette Michele to represent me vis-a-vis song unless she gets up there and belts out something along the lines of “I am scared of how the laws will affect my queer female body and I am ashamed of the direction our country is headed, do be do be do...”

As a queer, I fucking love that 76 year old neighbor.

I wish every article from now on would address him as, “Donald Trump, loser of the popular vote by over two million votes...”

The first time I was cleared by my oncologist to go out in public in 2007, I went to the Middle East in Cambridge to see Sharon Jones. Wasn’t the first show I saw of hers; wasn’t the last. But it was the most important show ever. I was alive, I was hearing music, and the music was in me. I broke down sobbing at…

I didn’t think we would ever had sex again, but then my wife and I had a spontaneous, all-weekend-long fuck fest. It was great, but at times felt a little end of days-y.

I tell the kids in my school to use their cough corner. They all know that it’s the crook of their arm. Works perfectly.

The cracked, dry lips and the lower facial herpes is what induces my vom.