Speaking of edgy, did you know Albert doesn’t even live in a city??

When asked for comment, Brand referred the press to his publicist, who said the quiet part loud and the loud part quiet.

Listen, I was 9 when the Tim Burton Batman came out too, but I try not to let it back me into bonkers takes like “Jack Nicolson was a better Joker than Heath Ledger.”

Actually, it was on this very website that I learned that there isn’t.

Mistakes ibuprofen for red pills, extended stay on DL for kidney failure.

I wouldn’t go messing with stuff on the bathroom floor to try to keep clean, but to each his own.  And good for you for sticking it out and letting your freak flag fly on this one.  

Are you picking the piss-soaked tissue paper off the floor with your bare hands afterwards and defeating the purpose of this move, or are you leaving it there for someone else to clean up like a dick?

Nor did the study this article is about show any link between artificially sweetened beverages and cancer whatsoever.

Watch this: This study showed no association between artificial sweetened beverage intake (at any level) and mortality from cancer. AT ALL!

“How is the NFL not taking its substantial wealth and influence and backing Medicare For All? This seems like it would solve most of the player lawsuits.”

“The cheating scandal was centered around The Edge College & Career Network (known and referred to as “The Key”), a for-profit “college counseling and preparation business” that employed a variety of ways to help sneak incoming freshmen into some of the country’s most elite institutions of higher learning” (and also…

Rather than come up with a joke, I’d like to take this opportunity to express how much I fucking hate this guy and wish I never had to think about him again.  

Pretty flimsy the way the guy that helped the murderer bury the body knew where the victim’s car was hidden, right?

It’s not the bacteria I’d be worried about - it’s the dog shit.  

Ja has to be looking out at that pasty crowd and thinking “Is this as good as it gets?”

A better analogy to the legal system is insurance. I’m a physician. I have more life insurance now than I did before I started medical school. It’s not because my life’s worth more than it used to be, it’s because my mortgage is.

Remarkable horse, the Norwegian Blue.  Beautiful plumage.

Sure, Jimmy Haslem may be the comically inept owner of one of the very worst-run franchises in professional sports, but the gas at the Pilot station at exit 40 on 95 is pretty fucking cheap! 

Thank you! It took me a long-ass time to scroll through to make sure this was mentioned. Nice mailbag question you wrote there, Jack.

Yes, this guy has a stick up his ass, but assuming “grav” means gravity bong hit, there’s no way she’s fine afterwards. Unless by fine you mean “so stoned your friend has to give you a pep talk to walk into the movie theater” and “shouldn’t have gone to see Memento because now you think you have that guy’s disease.”