This isn’t fucking Rocky IV. Jesus Christ. This school’s gonna have a major lawsuit on its hands.

True maturity is abandoning all thought of alcohol as a social lubricant and embracing it as life’s only real peace.

Oh look at Mr. High Society here, drinking in a house. Guess he’s too good to jimmy open a random self storage unit on the outskirts of town like the rest of us!!

I think it’s pathetic how people create these silly drinking games. Be it beer pong, flip cup, cards, you name it. Just juvenile. Drinking is supposed to be done alone, from the bottle, in your darkened living room.

“Whew!”

The dog keeps the mustard and relish in the bun and off your shirt.

I’d also point out that you’re making your hot dogs all wrong. First you open the bun, add the condiments you want. Then you add the dog on top of the condiments. The dog keeps the mustard and relish in the bun and off your shirt.

Such an absurd statement. 16 tops. Twelve will be in Texas, four in Vegas.

Thank you. Get your own damn soda!

Sharing a soda? People in couples are so bizarre.

There was a time in my life when I used to routinely carry some unorthodox shit because I knew I could use it as a weapon if needed, but it wouldn’t necessary otherwise raise red flags, but I never thought to carry avocados with me. This also explains why produce was included on the list of banned items the time I was…

You ever been to a bodega? You mind your own business regarding the hundred arguments a night there or else you might catch an avocado in the kisser.

he goes right into ‘cmon guys, im gonna look bad here. do something!’

As a businessman I’m torn. Trump is a complete jackoff who truly has no fucking idea how a government runs let alone how to run one. I hate him and his fucking dipshit kids. I hate the assholes in his administration. I particularly hate his supporters.

I love Spindrift, but yeah, no way I’m spending that much. If I’m going to splurge I’d much rather spend the money on New York Seltzer black cherry soda.

August of 1989..... “It’s a very big thing,” Trump told Post reporter David Aldridge.

Yes! Why is the only canned sparkling water they sell Spindrift?! I am sure it is delicious but I am not spending $1 per can.

Yeah? Is he? Well, I just got my Platinum trophy for 100% completion of The Elder Scrolls last night! Let’s see Mr. All Star Best Ever do that! Ha! Takes a special kind of dedication to pull that one off, lemme tell ya! The kind where you’re basically willing to tell life in general to get lost....

“You guys have to pass a new health insurance law. I’m going to look like a dope!”

I guess I’m surprised that he has a modicum of self-awareness to realize what a chump he looks like? And I almost pity him but I don’t because fuck that guy, and the mouthbreathers who voted for him because he talked tough. He’s grovelling on the phone! But sure, deals or whatever.