Oh, it turns out the doctor was his mother, and the reason she couldn’t operate was she had puked and pissed on herself.

Yesterday, a poster on Reddit suggested the launcher’s reload animation should be throwing it away and pulling out a brand new one

*God doesn’t exist*

Outlawing sexy costumes? Don’t you see? Now we’re the dystopia!

Way to fuck up the Browns draft position, Mayfield.

Macau doesn’t even have a national soccer team, just football. Idiot.

MINE ENDS IN TEARS AS WELL

I was ready to be like “8 hours is plenty of time to drink that much” and then I did the math and realized that is almost three doubles an hour. Then I wondered why his BAC isn’t listed in the article, and I realized he wasn’t arrested because he didn’t break the law. That is the best part of this story.

Her poor chihuahua :( rip

SHUT UP!

...and howcome I can’t get no Tang around here? SHUT UP!

Well, I know the Mack Khalil will make you jump, jump. As I assume, will the Khalil Mack.

Nobody cares what happens in Seattle.

“You used to be huge, HBO CEO of Tits.”

Nah I’m probably your boss or whoever set your deadlines.

Logan Paul, anti-BLM Russian agitprop memes, and NOT Your Sister porn: Algorithms are holding some very harsh mirrors up to how this country uses the internet

I would say I have an addiction to the internet, but it’s not like I’m on Deadspin in the middle of the work day reading and commenting on stupid shit while missing pretty important deadlines.

+1 BABADABADEEBOPBADOPADUM

I will always star a Scatman Cruthers reference.

I’m not sure exactly how incompetent someone has to be to fuck up an arbitration clause in 21st century America. Courts nearly always allow and enforce them - you probably have a fully binding and inescapable one with Netflix over whether you can sue them if you can’t watch QE, or if they accidentally sell your…