Come on, you’re better than this! My wife and I play in a bowling league together and we’re not fucking.

Barry, you prude, you’re acting like you’ve never stuffed a platonic friend’s muff in your face then transitioned her into a hurricarana in the name of competition before.

1 of them spontaneously combusted, but it’s rude to talk about that sort of thing

Basically the Olympic equivalent of the parents lining up to clap for the fat kid who’s in dead last in a grade school cross country meet. Yeah, he’s making an already insufferably long day a few minutes longer, and sure he has vomit on his shirt that would indicate he ate a few bowls of Fruity Pebbles earlier that…

Triplet toddlers? Yeah, I’d take up long distance cross-country skiing too.

*unintendre

Don’t be redundant.

Different ladder. The first one was a stepladder but the one Charles pinwheels into is a 60-foot extension ladder.

I hope a bucket of paint falls off a ladder and lands upside-down on your head and gets stuck there and you stumble around with a paint-bucket on your head and crash into a ladder and fall down a manhole.

You forgot one other piece of irony: All of those armed guards need to be willing to work for free because (a) most schools are already operating near their total budget and (b) people would probably vote against raising taxes for it.

Not only a liar, but someone lying “for effect”

In response to Trumps tweet.

You would know about things that are very.....very little.

Now we’re just gonna pee on this little tree here and this little tree here and hey, this little tree here. Because we’re all good boys.

Flynn looks like Bob Ross. Goddamn shame they didn’t name him Dog Ross.

I think she was just volunteering to give up her seat, before she rolled on out of there.

Republican in the front, skinhead in the back.

This guy belongs in federal prison for drinking beer with a straw.

“Sharknado6: who the fuck cares, fuck you! You worthless fucks will watch anything!”

“It’s about the cones”