My ring is made out of organically-grown, free-range lentils and the artisans who made it actually paid me to take it off their hands.

Someone has to tell people they're ugly.

You know what would be bold? Having Frank get away with everything. That would piss off so many people and help distinguish it from the original.

Oh...oh hi Steve Carrell. You're looking handsomer than I realized.

HEY! Monograms are only for thermoses!

When I was in Europe, selling monogrammed thermoses, THEY would cook my steaks for me until it was tender, no matter how long it took. Americans are so lazy sometimes.

Didn't read the article. Just pointing out that Valerie Jarrett doesn't suck because she is a woman, she sucks because she is the awful Valerie Jarrett.

I once went on a date with a guy who stiffed a waitress on her tip and I never spoke to him again. Please explain to me how someone marries and has children with someone willing to throw a chicken at another human being who is waiting on them? Also, the manager from that story was a huge asshat.

See, I didn't either. He has a way with words though, because... wow.

I've heard of him (I'm an American) because I love music, and he's interviewed a lot of my favorite bands (he's actually done some of my favorite interviews, which I can no longer watch without wanting to throw up all over him, so...that's cool). He's got a decent presence on YouTube, which is how I knew him.

This went to the Supreme Court in the case of peyote. Of course, peyote shamanism has been around a lot longer than America, so they had a pretty good case for religious exemption from the drug laws of the state.

A real missed opportunity for a "Drunk in Louvre" headline.

1) This is the appropriate response to Amanda Bynes news, kudos to you, Mark, for not making me want to scratch my eyes out and yell about how people with psychiatric disorders are people too. 2) I have not laughed at a Dirt Bag this hard in a long, long time. Mark, you are a treasure, and if you ever leave I will…

When I was in high school I would write as an outlet when I was feeling down. Nothing major, just general sad moods sometimes. The other day I was cleaning out some stuff in my apartment storage closet and cam across this, which I don't remember writing but wanted to share:

THE UNDERGROUND RAILROAD?????!!!!! LOLWUT?

So much running! Dramatic piano chords! Mary being inexplicably pursued by all the men! SERVANTS BEING PEOPLE. Oh, i am SO READY FOR THIS.

Kara I am watching dating naked RIGHT NOW! I still can't understand why I am watching it. But I can't stop. Do the people on this show exist in real life? I can't wait until it this phenomenon spills over into other networks. Food network presents "Grating naked", naked people in a best hash brown competition. The…

Does anyone out there remember Sue Johanson? When I was in university, we would all congregate on Sunday nights to watch her sex advice show. Absolutely brilliant. This article reminded me of her.

I give this aricle 1 star out of 5 it was good and very enjoyable but I'm reading it at work and I hate work.

As someone who has anxiety issues, I can say with certainty that it has never made me think it's ok to murder someone. It has made me have panic attacks, cry a lot, and not be able to breathe.