He’s got way too much confidence for a man with a toddler body.

From “Yes We Can” to “No Fat Chicks”.

Oh no, sir. We heard every word you said. Bad mic? We should’ve been so lucky.

“I know the most words. The best words. Beautiful words. Yuge words. I have a list of eleventeen generals that have endorsed my words. I know more words than you.”

That should be a fun phone call to make at 1 a.m.

It’s interesting you should mention “trigger warnings”. As we near the election, I find more and more conservatives getting uncomfortable with jokes at their candidates’ expense, frank conversations about policy, and the acknowledgement that certain types of people exist.

Speaking of things that it’s just not the time to get into right now --

Preface: I rarely watch porn. Or, I should say, I rarely watched porn. Now I don’t do it at all.

My father walked in on me masturbating, luckily for me he is now dead so no one but I now know it ever happened.

So...how did that particular file get billed?

I was riding my big wheel through a hotel my dad was looking after during off season(so he could write a book) and i came up to a room, where i shit you not, some guy in a dog suit was giving head to another guy. they both became aware of my presence and i fled. this was the 80s, before furries, mind you.

Back in the Blockbuster days, my mom picked some random movie we’d never heard of and then I sat down to watch it with Mom, Dad, big sis, and big sissy’s bff. The movie was Quills, about the Marquis de Sade.
...
We told mom she wasn’t allowed to pick the movies anymore.

I couldn’t figure out why a mustache was so upsetting... you mean porn stash! :)

Back in my escorting days I went to use the bathroom after a...session(?) & after I washed my face I opened his linen closet in search of a towel of some sort. I found a towel, but I also found a very elaborate shrine to Shelley Long. So. Yeah.

A woman’s bare nipple is a tool of sin. You know that. Come on.

Besides pasties there’s all sorts of pads and thongs and gear that both men and women can use to effectively hide their thunder.

Oh yeah. In another post I described Hugh Grant as being like Dorian Grey’s attic portrait, with years of debauchery etched into his features. I stand by that description.

More than the apartments, I’m more annoyed by the “quirky female character who eats a lot of greasy, fatty food but maintains perfect skin and stays slim” trope. She’s not shallow like those salad eating bitches, she just LOOKS like them.