Getting that tattooed on my BF’s penis, brb.

I thought the same thing! But I did find this.

In all seriousness? If Comedy Central picked up BCO for a sketch comedy show formatted exactly like Drunk History, in that they pick a central narrator for each tale and real household-name actors dramatize the story and lipsync the dialog... I WOULD WATCH THE SHIT OUT OF THAT.

I will never forget the harrowing tale our gas fireplace repair guy told about delivering his baby in a minivan on the side of the highway in the middle of nowhere. He took the van to be cleaned afterward and the cleaning people called the cops because they thought someone had been murdered in that van.

“Adult children of miserable diners” is our new support group name!

Apparently, the dog Bear is also safe and sound, at least according to TMZ.

Yess that’s a tuffy, trying to avoid inadvertent insults. Like when asked if I’m married or have kids, I have to stifle my “God no, why?!?” face so I don’t offend people. My mom once said she was deeply offended (cried tears) that I didn’t want kids because it was her greatest desire/fulfillment in life so I was…

I changed my name to “Glahglahglahglah” which is the sound of his name when I say it with his dick in my mouth. Just kidding I kept my name. FIP 4 life.

I kept my name when I got married and have never gotten shit for it ‘cause my in-laws are great and my husband’s not very into tradition. As a result, I’m never bothered when someone calls me Mrs. HisName ‘cause there was never any strife there. My usual response is,“It’s Apostrophe. No biggie, I’ve been called a lot…

Ugh, I knew it was going to be awful but it was 100x more awful than I could even imagine. Blargh.

Cue butthurt comments from women who say there’s nothing sexist about taking their husband’s last name.

Jesus H Christ the Starbucks guy. I was a coffee shop girl for years and there was this one dude who fancied himself an espresso connoisseur. He would come in and ask for a 30-second shot. I swear I could make that happen any other time, but with this douche standing right there staring at me holding his Russian novel…

I support this comprehensively, but as an adult child of a miserable diner, I must say that these people are de facto losing propositions, confrontation-wise. If I stood up to my dad every time he was rude or incredulous or whatever, I’d never have a family meal. It’s why we go to the same fucking white people-Mexican…

NO GIFS FOR YOU

I really love the recent study where they found that most of the men who were assholes to women in online gaming were not very good at the games.

I do not like this outfit. I do not like this picture. I do not like them here or there. I do not like them anywhere.