Then I definitely need a few of those...as well as a poster on the wall in front of my toilet, you know, to give me the courage to go back out of the bathroom...

Wait, Mortal. I know you’re an old soul but can you vouch for coffee cups in the eighteenth century?

I don’t understand how “I want to have kids” is an affirmation

First: I’m so sorry about what your father did to you.

Second: you’ve got way more than a binary decision here man. The first thing you should do is start with talking with a therapist. You’re sitting on a whole lot of pain and emotional scar tissue and that’s not the sort of thing that’s easily undone by yourself.

But…

My father, after the air force, spent his career as a commercial airline pilot, mostly on the Airbus A-320. My parents lived all over the world after accepting a job in Australia when I was 19. In the early-2000s, after a stint in Venezuela, he answered a call from an old co-pilot and randomly lucked into a position…

“One woman couldn’t bear the thought of her daughter spending the holidays alone, so she sent the family cat on a plane to London.”

I’m impressed by how this article has been monopolized lately by guys who have taken all the wrong lessons from the recent wave of sexual assault allegations.

Here’s the thing, though—if you’re bad at reading social cues and you’re making a major fool of yourself, it is only natural that it’s going to blow up in your face.

I dunno I thought that guy was basically correct, although he stated his argument kind of weirdly and couched it in a lot of useless personal data.

I’ll see your glove bucket and raise you the word Tijuana. Put Tijuana in front of any noun or phrase and it immediately becomes 86.4% more upsetting. Put your hand in a glove bucket? Eh. Put your hand in a Tijuana glove bucket? You’re gonna need an ointment.

There’s a German word that some people might be more familiar with: Gemütlichkeit. It seems like the same thing. Someone invites you into their home, all is cozy, you have a few laughs, no one gets outrageously drunk, there’s some sort of cake, there might be a grandmother bustling around, all sehr gemütlich.

It’s not my style to use Danish buzzwords to add a layer of pretension to my life. But there’s a reason why people are constantly trying to shape their lives to mimic those of our friends in northern Europe:

ROCOCO NO!!!! What kind of Louis XIV nightmare is this?! LOL I love bad celebrity home decor.

I looove looking at celebrity houses, so of course I looked at all 60+ pics of JWOWW’s house. That woman has awful taste. It’s like somebody ate Versailles and then shit all over a contemporary modern home. And that furniture had to cost so much, but it’s so. fucking. ugly. I’m in pain.

Ok I have calmed down now-mostly. Like, has vegan dude never heard of the humane society?
My cat Morty is all snuggled up next to me on the couch right now and I can’t imagine abandoning him, our other cat or the dog-they’re family we chose for gods sake.
Yes indeed probably the best thing that could happen to kitty. I…

That poor cat. Good on you.

HE ABANDONED THE POOR CAT????? THIS PISSES ME OFF MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE!!!!!! AND YES I AM YELLING!!!!! / end of rant.

I love my goofy beautiful boy!

This really isn’t relevant (but kind of funny), but it probably didn’t hunt. One of my friends had a major mouse problem in his apartment that year, and once while we were very stoned he announced to me that he had a special treat for Vegan Cat - a live mouse in a humane trap. So we walked over to my place, carrying…

Jesus Christ cats are OBLIGATE carnivores - they will literally die without protein. That is ignorant and cruel.