“Grandpa, your stories don’t make any sense. So God makes Eve from Adam’s rib, but then this ‘Armie Hammer’ man wants to turn it right back and eat women’s ribs?”

Some like Cronenberg movies for the body horror, some are just in it for glimpses of Viggo Mortensen bathhouse dong. Different strokes, you know?

No, thank you!

Delroy Lindo (The Good Fight)

Don’t Stake Your Sunday Matinee on Morbius!

“Nothing is real and everything is possible” -

Sticking with the party analogy, it would be like being stuck in a corner for eternity, forced to nod and occasionally mumble, “Uh-huh, oh yeah, totally,” while a damned soul with an IPA in hand animatedly explains to you why this whole system is inherently illogical.

Closest I can think of a reason why is that God might be one of those people who hosts a party and spends the entirety of it stewing over the people who didn’t come.

“This [movie]... it was made for me!!!” - Entertainment Weekly

They’ll have to go back pretty far - I’m thinking they’ll need to take out at least a couple of the Mary Poppins makeout scenes between Dick van Dyke and David Tomlinson from the ol’ Disney Vault.

“How could such a good cop become such a bad priest?”

Half-Measures with the Trout

Dick-crushing’s an honest way to make a living. Used to be a union job with good pay, benefits, pension. ‘Til they outsourced it...

Even Mark Hamill tweeted in support, writing, “Please be reassured that I will NOT be auditioning for the role of FAKE Bender. You are one-of-a-kind, pal!”

This article landed with a pud!

The (Old) A.V. Club

“You see: the kids, they listen to the rap music, which gives them the brain damage; with the hippin’, and the hoppin’, and the bippin’, and the boppin’... So they don’t know what the jazz is all about!”

Finally getting himself out there!

Yeesh, Peloton needs this like Gale Boetticher needs a hole in his head.