You're not alone. I'm just like "...um."

There is nothing about this that I don't love.

I would love to someday have birds in the house, but I would want to volunteer at a rescue or something to get the hang of dealing with birds. How long have you had yours? Do you just kinda open the cage and let the bird chill with you? Is s/he affectionate? I've seen pictures of birds who like to nuzzle and cuddle…

Oh man, what kind of parrot? I have wanted a parrot (or even a friend with a parrot) for ages. They're such neat birds.

YES PLEASE. I'm currently patiently applying daily coats of the purple Sally Hansen stuff that my BFF (who has perfect nails) recommended. I want to have grownup nails too!

This is really pretty.

"Neurotic toad" is the best description for Woody Allen.

I want this to become a thing. Smiling Arsonist, a modern Gotham hero.

virgindiarieskiss.gif?

I am realizing how terrible I am that I'm sitting here cackling about this mental image.

Duck confit nachos

Olds. Olds use GChat.

Microwaved dog shit is so...specifically terrible. I love it.

I was doing so well until I got to that, and then I just cackled like a hyena.

There are only a few people who contact me via Gchat and one of them is a married dude who hits on me. Fuck Gchat.

Food is easier to kick out of bed when you're done with it.

UNBEARABLY CUTE

I mean...go big or go home.

I would so much rather beat the hell out of something as a workout.

Um. What is happening with her hair and makeup and...all of this up here?