I don't understand why a supposed loving partner would want their mate to give up sex for the rest of their lives because they have a medical condition. Why would it matter if they're having sex with someone else if they're emotionally monogamous with you?

As some one whose live in boyfriend hasn't touched her sexually in several months and who, when confronted about it yesterday, said he's sorry and he doesn't know what's wrong with him, but didn't seem concerned or eager to fix it, I completely understand the idea of loving who you are with, loving spending time with…

Sometimes I like to randomly flop down with my tongue hanging out the side of my mouth and imagine what my chalk outline would look like if I died suddenly while folding the laundry or something.

Occasionally I follow that with slowly curling my fingers up like corpses do during rigor mortis then I quickly check out…

During a particularly bad or surreal date, my inner voice will switch to David Attenborough and narrate the date as though it were a scene from Nature or Blue Planet. It's difficult to get into the mood from there, and once he makes an appearance I know things are over for the relationship. Of course, this might not…

The best part will be how other moms judge you for eating it even if doctors say it's totally fine.

"Paying attention to your own body's needs" doesn't mean anything. It's something science-averse people on pregnancy message boards say to justify never visiting the OB. How the hell is my body supposed to tell me, unmistakably and in real time, that I'm getting too much mercury or not enough omega-3?

Yeah, cause tuna is the only source of omega 3 fatty acids

It was so much easier to imagine celebrities being funny and clever before Twitter.

I was much more industrious as a child than as an adult. I once drew, designed, and wrote a whole lifestyle magazine...for bugs. It was around when I had just reached literacy age so it's pretty unintelligible and hilarious. I drew fake ads, made art, and "wrote" articles for it. I think I still have somewhere. Also…

I've always had a really good memory, and was very good at memorizing pieces and poems, especially Shel Silverstein poems. My parents were very proud of their little elocutionist-out-of -time prodigy and had me recite for various relatives. Once when I was around six they started tossing around the idea that I should…

That is a phrase that gets a high five automatically, you better have high-fived him.

Oh oh oh you just reminded me of a thing a guy I slept with once said upon revealing to me his rather humble penis....

So just so I'm sure it's not just me, we specifically hate Larry because of Jason Biggs, right? Like, I feel like another actor could've played the role and my hate for Larry wouldn't run as deep.

I have selachophobia, badly enough that a picture of something that even resembles a great white shark can startle me. But a picture of a great white with it's mouth closed can look really cute to me, especially if it's directly facing the camera. They kind of look like dopey ear-less doggies when they do that.

I think I remember reading something 'bout that ballooning thing in Charlotte's Web - wasn't that the way most of Charlotte's daughters left the pig pen?

100% real

I often say to my kids, "Spiders are our friends" and I let them be. I do not tell them about the hella sex tips I get from spiders.

Am I the only one in the world who doesn't fear spiders and happily lets them hang out in my home? They take care of the flies and other bugs. I'm not sure how I'd feel about spider sex in my kitchen, though.