I know, right?

Oh god, exactly. Then, she's a money-hungry golddigger who forced him to have a baby just so she can get her claws into his sweet, sweet football winnings. Which is totally unfair b/c he didn't even want a kid, amirite?

And, of course, as they didn't get the money, they didn't give it away.

Yup. See also Political Action Committees, Sarah Palin, Grifters.

I was at a bookstore recently and heard the hampsterdance song as someone's ringtone. As I was coming to the realization that the tune is forever ingrained in my memory, some preteen said behind me "oh I hear Alvin and the Chipmunks." Kids these days.

The rumor I heard from my sister was that Disney bought them. And we all know what the Mouse does to innocent properties.

OK, yes, this is very adorable. Yes.

What will the Westboro geniuses think of next? A parody of a gay sex tape with church members having gay sex? You know, just to send a message that gay sex is evil. It's all about the message.

That's right....biiiig smile. Everybody's happy.

Winter: mulled wine.

This ad got the greenlight because the "you will pry this Coke from my cold dead hands" campaign was rejected in the marketing meeting.

JC Radical

Yeah, but it's a pretty safe bet the rich Asian dude is not crazy about the whore pills either. I don't know when people on this site are going to get it through their thick sculls that white people don't have a monopoly on assholeness.

Nooooo stop it! I want a hedgehog so bad and you are not helping! I got to pet one at the zoo like 8 years ago and had to be dragged away before I could steal it. Wanted one ever since. We already have too many pets though, and most of them would probably think a hedgehog was an entertaining snack.

Only Jay Z can see them. He can tell no one of the gnomes living in Beyonce's hair. It will be his secret to the grave, the only evidence being the shocked face so perfectly captured by the paparazzo. Years from now, he'll look at the picture and hear distant echos of Harry Belafonte and remember where this disaster…

You can buy it, too:

He's one of my favorites!

"Love the fornicator/hate the fornication"

I'm sure that's how the guy's wife feels.

Obligatory Phil Hartman reference. God—I miss him.