It's a 90's PAR-TAY

Someone needs to get PSY an undershirt. Seriously, man, unless you're wearing Hello Kitty pasties, the see-through shirt look is so 2002.

So a girl walks into a bar... BAM pregnant.

Oh, that poor kitty! You can just see the shame and degradation in his eyes for 1.5 seconds.

I was all set to say something snarky (and hopefully funny), but then I clicked on the article and saw the subtitle that called the Bottle Service Girls "enablers." WUTNO. The service people are not "enabling" anything here. They are not responsible for the douchebags that order 1000's of dineros worth of booze just…

So, what treatment requires one to do naked Tai Chi in 5-inch heels and a metal swim cap*?

Oh, I'm sure it's a very sequential, rigid (giggle) system. Kiss first, BJ second. NEVER reverse it. Reversing it means someone DIES.

Wow, Iowa Supreme Court, what a dick* move.

So, I could not find google images of Jared and his pet alpaca, but strangely, this came up in the search:

Yep, the actual answer is

IKR? My eyes, they're bleeding cuteness.

LOL @ being stuck fucking the 5th guy you fucked until you turn 30. Wow, that drag racer I met on Match.com would have gotten way luckier than he did at the time!

Maybe the test writer is trolling us all, and it actually says everyone is slutty. Except the Virgin Mary and Nancy Reagan, of course.

Decisive. And slutty. But mainly decisive.

Yes, you're phrasing is infinitely more accurate. And your parents sound cute!

Because after that, they're too busy making sammiches? I don't remember that being part of my dowry contract.

That, or you'd be Julia Roberts from Pretty Woman.

Yes, this is Bad Math.

Agreed, this formula is lacking in specificity.

I had to stop when I got to the '5 kissing partners and 5 oral sex partners,' because huh? Does that mean a good girl gives oral to all the guys she kisses, like it needs some kind of symmetry, or that there is an equivalency that must be observed? "Well, I kissed you, so now you get a BJ *le sigh*"