I’ll stick by my assertion that Jorge Soler is the most exciting player in Chicago until Bryant hits three dingers in a game.

It's all about nut-sack placement. Does the underwear create a nice nest for them, or do they wedge them to the side of your leg? I currently have the case of the latter.

It's all about nut-sack placement. Does the underwear create a nice nest for them, or do they wedge them to the side…

Good point.

When did he get traded to Chicago.

I love Jorge Soler. If you put together his offense and defense, he is the most exciting baseball player in all of Chicago.

That dumb Verizon commercial is unwatchable. Why the fuck would a billionaire give a shit about data overages in his family plan?

I'm laughing like an idiot in the middle of a library.

Have you paid any attention at all to the constant litigation and city government red tape this project has had to go through? And have you maybe considered the weather up here can get a little colder?

Sucks to be you. I'm sure you'll get over it.

The senseless waste that is the bullshit populist argument that Wrigley Field shouldn't be renovated and improved just because rich people? Okay.

I don't know where to put my penis in.

I was able to turn in my old console to get 100 off my Xbox. If No Man’s Sky is any good, I might have to switch.

To the guy that correctly diagnosed my anal fissure during an “ask the Deadspin staff” session:

I wish the XBone had a MLB game.

Yes, they shut down bathrooms to save money while spending hundreds of million to salvage a decrepit stadium.

Ads are everywhere all the time. Yet Wrigley field should abstain from selling space for them why?

It's like blind Rob Lowe reviewed that play.

If you liked that, I would recommend his greatest hits album The Best of the Black President. No misses on that one. Each song is a different journey.

If you haven't heard about him before, read about him.

Fela Kuti.