Paris Hilton wants her night-vision camera and her dignity back. Either or.

Killing me softly with her ennui… Killing me softly…

Girls, you know you better … watch out
That watch that's on your wrist is only about
That thing, that thing, that tick-tock-tick-tock thing
That thing, that thing, that tick-tock-tick-tock thing…

Surprisingly, Hakeem's more excited about getting his music in a Ryan Coogler film. What, Lee Daniels is too busy to make another blockbuster movie? Oh, wait…

You now what I get a kick out of on Empire? Those Empire-specific commercials, including the one with Jamal Lyon in the subway slurping Pepsi, and the Maybelline Empire fashion line with Anika, Becky, Rhonda and Tiana all showing off different mascaras. And if you look at the fine print on the commercial, it…

Not as impressive as the guy who dressed up as Max Headroom and hacked a Chicago TV signal.

The thing with Buchanan and Goodman's Flying Saucer record… it actually was one of the first cases in which publishers tried to sue the creators of a novelty record for infringement. Buchanan and Goodman won the lawsuit, turned THAT into a novelty record of their own (Buchanan and Goodman on Trial), and could be…

First and 10: The Series or I ain't subscribing.

Yeah, people shouldn't be mocking the faiths and religions and backgrounds of others.

Now I ain't saying she's a gold digger
But she ain't messing with no Chuck the Writer
Get down girl, go 'head, get down girl
Get down girl, go 'head, get down girl

Harlan Ellison sues, claiming he should have gotten fucked first.

Instead of this, couldn't we just have a half-hour animated version of Sergio Aragones' GROO?

Meanwhile, the cast of Sleepy Hollow wait in limbo…

Meanwhile, the cast of the Bad News Bears TV sitcom is still looking for work.

Gotta give credit to Yakov Smirnoff for one thing. He really loved his adopted country. You are aware that after 9/11, he painted a mural called "America's Heart," which featured one brush stroke for every victim of the 9/11 attacks. That mural was later reproduced on the side of a building overlooking Ground Zero.…

Laugh if you must, but two things to remember …
1. The Beatles' "Let It Be" only exists in this format for home video.
2. The original "Star Wars" is truly original in this format.

I know why they're in David and Mary Margaret's apartment in the underworld. It's not that David and Mary Margaret have unfinished business… it's that the Charmings themselves have unfinished business. And with that in mind… OUAT neesd to find Caitlin O'Heaney and Christopher Rich and have them reprise their roles…

I'm sorry, but the Verslinder monster in this week's episode looked like a close relative of the Putty Patrol from the Power Rangers series. Maybe the only way to truly defeat them would be when Crane and Abbie (and Jenny and Joe and Agent Foster) morph into their Zords next time.

But did they ever find out where in the world was Carmen Sandiego?

Twin Peaks was probably the most food-fetish show ABC ever aired. Second place? Pushing Daisies, for sure.