This is a good point. People who invite guests they don’t actually want to attend as a way of leaning on “tradition” to get more gifts need to remember the other traditions they might be expected to follow.

This isn’t a bulletproof solution because nothing forces people to follow the registry.

The Away limited color bags are either sold out or hidden on the site somewhere other than where the link points. :(

The Away limited color bags are either sold out or hidden on the site somewhere other than where the link points. :(

What the fuck was wrong with your English teacher?! Whenever I had a teacher ask if someone had read the book before, they’d just kind of nod and be a little surprised someone our age was into “real literature.”

Death threats are obviously too far but it would be nice if they did a spoiler warning for [topic] before diving in (but then people would change the channel oh noes).

It’s still good! I saw it with a group of college friends a few years after it came out (I’d been in high school at the time, everyone had talked about it, I give no fucks about spoilers). Friends asked if I knew the twist. I said “Yeah, he’s dead, right?” and they were like “No? Where did you hear that? What the…

If you ask around the campground you’re at when the finale airs, you could probably find at least half a dozen people to throw in cash towards a motel with HBO. I’m not recommending they all stay the night (unless you’re into that sort of thing—and if you are, go for it) but you could suggest a $5 donation at the…

I can beat that! I worked as a prep cook at a place where there was a gallon bucket of pizza sauce in the freezer and every Tuesday they’d put it in the walk-in to thaw for the Wednesday pizza special (this was not a pizza place, the “pizza” was made on flatbread that was also only used to make the “pizza” and it…

As recently as The Secret Life of Pets 2, there were themed-toys in some kind of cereal but I don’t remember which one. I’m pretty sure they stopped doing this on the regular because of costs, usually I see crap like stickers or temporary tattoos now but that’s also rare.

They won’t get fired, they’ll just get taken off the schedule. Or worse, only scheduled to work shifts they said they’re not available for and then the reference burns itself: “Not much of a team player, wasn’t available for any of the shifts I scheduled them for. Nope, can’t say I would rehire.”

It’s true—kind of: they don’t have to be yesterday’s burgers, it’s just any burgers that were cooked and won’t be served get thrown into a vat of water to boil and then that gets used to make chili.

At this point I’ll settle for any mirror universe that’s even slightly less terrible because it seems like every mirror universe is just magnitudes worse. :(

Starred because of the laughing fit that totally snuck up on me from out of nowhere oh my god.

This is the first time I’ve ever seen a “That’s what SHE said!” comment with zero whole stars. Well played!

I will never forget the day in like seventh grade when someone clued me in that chemical castration just means the guys are supposed to take anti-boner pills that they definitely promise to take for really reals pinky-swear—before that moment, I thought it meant their dicks were burned off with acid. (Yes, I was a…

Does he have a Patreon?

Patriarchy? Misogyny? All the other things that make people whine about not destroying the future of all these bright young men for a decision they made while ignoring the destroyed futures of their victims who had no choice at all?

The justice system doesn’t need the victim’s consent to press criminal charges, they could have gone ahead with the trial without her testimony but they chose not to because DeTardo didn’t want to risk his conviction percentage. That was the only “risk.”

Do her parents have a GoFundMe? I’d throw in the cost of an adult-human-male sized dog cage... You know, just as a thought experiment.

That’s the whole problem though. If she was 15, it wouldn’t matter what the defense was or what she signed because that’s statutory rape.