There was no need for that many people to subdue him, he went over easy.

“issues with the MAX 8.”

A mass shooting in another country is world-wide headline news. A mass shooting in the US is a Thursday.

Oh yeah? If it’s true that being around something for a long time means that you’re an expert on it, then why is it I still have don’t have any idea how my wife’s g-spot works?

Not because they piloted a destroyer right out of the birth canal.

“ I am John McCain’s daughter” Yes and if not for that fact you would likely be one of these things:

It’s not every day that I’m proud of what I do around here. Today is no exception.

Damn right; on a plantation, the gates were used to keep the coloreds inside the premises. #Progress

Well, this is very uncharacteristic behavior from such a level-headed young man. 

Friday Night Lights 2 is shaping up way differently than I expected.

“Not real long, but he’s real straight and real consistent. So he’s always in play.”

“I speak for the president except when I don’t and, anyway, I talked about all this months ago.  Now, fuck you, I’m eating.”

“Idiot, should’ve landed on the folding table”

“To the death?”

I love his reaction, “ah, fuckin kangaroos,” like it’s just an annoying bee or something not a super strong mammal that can seriously mess you up.

This guy lives in Australia. How does he not know that everything there is always trying to kill you?

Australia, the Florida of the world. Always trying to kill you.

The hearty punch is a very underrated form of greeting.