If your home catches fire, you should call the fire department from the safety and comfort of your own home.

There’s zero chance the ash on her forehead wasn’t reapplied several times before she went on camera.

Laura Ingraham is is Ann Coulter: The Sequel. That’s all that really needs to be said.

Remember when the vice President misspelled Potato and the entire country laughed him out of a job, and he remains a punchline to this day? I remember. Good times.

I don’t care what his name is, he’ll always be goddamn Clippy.

“Hey Ben. You’re black. You must know about the urban life and public housing. How about I make you HUD Secretary?”

former brain surgeon

Shoot punches and leaves.

+3 BAH, BAH, BAHs

Don’t you mean “So good, so good, so good”?

The witness statement in the police report explains it pretty clearly: “hands, touching hands, reaching out, touching me, touching you”

The Chambers Brothers - Time Has Come Today

I'm guessing the thieves figured it must be impossible to die while riding Keith Richards' bike.

In a world of microaggressions. Welcome to deadspin. 

Course designer Rosie Ruiz was unavailable for comment. 

I tell people that I’m a full time athlete and that’s a lot of miles.  I am also a part time lover.  

Half a half marathon is still a lot of running and she should be proud of that.  

She will be forever banned from the CFL and participation in the 36.5 Metre Dash.