The sun shines brightly into Tim Marchman’s virtual office, his shiny face and glimmering mane a beacon of hope to millions who are questioning the direction we are taking. Billy Haisley takes his seat, eager to make his case.

A large orange, left-to-right-moving object?

Sexually propositioning a woman and her mom at a stoplight?

I could only imagine Okung telling agents “that ain’t working”, negotiating this dumb deal and then telling them “that’s the way you do it”. I hope he can avoid dire straits by reaching those incentives early, because once he’s getting money for nothing, he’s released for free.

Matt Barnes probably will be available for the Knicks’ head coaching gig next year, but he absolutely hates players who grab rebounds.

I believe that “cheese powder” is called melange.

When you lose 66 of 67 counties in your home state that’s like finding out your parents not only didn’t vote for you, but they invited the local paper to take a picture of them spraypainting “EATS COCK” on your billboard.

You really can't take this stuff for granite.

This picture should be placed on his mantle.

My sediments exactly.

You’re so full of schist..

Probably a sedimental favorite.

I mean, at least it's a gneiss picture.

As surprising as it is, Evan Turner was clutch down the stretch in this game. He had that great save above, then knocked down a few shots to close the lead. This Celtics team should not be as good as they are. Brad Stevens is a goddamn miracle worker.

America was founded on hard work, not about being born in the right family.

Hey hey hey. I don’t like the arc of this story. New Athletic Director Noah Whitman couldn’t even wait 40 days and 40 nights to measure Cubit’s development. Not a great way for the program to stay afloat.

My idea.

Counterpoint: fuck that guy. Aubrey McClendon was a craven thief and liar, a genuinely bad person who took the coward’s way out the moment the music stopped. I hope he took a while.

He was probably gonna snitch and got Michael Hastings’ed

I liked it when you could be born into a helmet and raised by shoulder pads. When boys grew up inside of footballs and then ripped out of the footballs and started throwing footballs through concrete as soon as they emerged. I liked it when people used to get married to whistles during kickoff and they would buy a…