You just broke the comment euphemism density record.

Blue Ivy says to lay off the women finding financial independence through entrepreneurship.

she's fine in print and on the catwalk. she's a good hanger but she's really not a Face.

Alright, Drunk In Love is still my jam, and I can get down to Lil Wayne. But what the fuck was that! And "pussy was like water: no taste no smell"!!!??? The fuq?? Remix was like sausage : the WURST

Especially not the stuff they took from other people.

never try and take anything from white people

Pretty slick, posting your own tweet from your own Twitter.

There's something unsettling about "I'm not a bitch" in the same sentence as "I was cheating on him after four years."

Are you the one who broke up with the guy who got the ring at Zales? If so, you're in luck. He got the money back.

So far, this is the best story. I need so much more background on the married dude who proposed.

My ring is made out of organically-grown, free-range lentils and the artisans who made it actually paid me to take it off their hands.

Oh for fuck's sake. THIS is the exact type of comment people are talking about when they talk shit about Jezebel commenters.

Really awkward spelling aside...pretty sure financial fraud and failure to pay taxes doesn't fall under "heinous crime" for most people.

If Kelly provided this info, maybe we should listen. But Michelle? Nope. Just nope.

Stretched out Ted Danson?

Your baby is the same as every other baby out there. You are not special for breeding. I thought I should try to bring some realism back.

Get over yaself mate, let's stop pretending like she's the first person to get unnecessary attention in our culture.