I didn’t think anything could ever be as good as the petition to replace Civil War memorials with statues of Missy Elliot.

It's not like any of them cast a fucking reflection.

I’d like to introduce everyone to our next ambassador to the UN...

The only people who should be allowed to meander a bit in their eulogies are small grandchildren.

Because they can’t have it, so they want it even more. It’s as simple as that.

I am not equipped with enough word-knitting ability to weave a tapestry out of the favor some almighty things has bestowed upon this royal voicebox.

it was memorial day too

She. Was. In. An. Abusive. Relationship.

If I hear someone say their child doesn’t know their real name, I’m sticking around for that shit. There is gold at the end of that rainbow.

To the man’s house who does...

when you sexually assault a mob of people a mob is who will judge you.

Is this the hill you’re willing to die on?

Bright spot: Henry Z

Wasn’t expecting that video of the women hugging and crying together to make my eyes watery, but there you go.

Drive better roads, and the infotainment will come from beyond the windscreen.

*Notices D and F are right next to each other on the keyboard*

Well played.

ugh. spell-check-ception. Foiled while calling someone else out. Ain’t that a nitch?

Why do I feel like the word shouldn’t even be in a spellchecker’s dictionary? It should always show up underlined when typed. Maybe Clippy should be resurrected just for that purpose.

You make an important point. It is indeed a reflection. Whether the intention was there or not-this is how the combination of her parenting and her daughter’s personality, abilities, and world view turned out. I have kids and it always makes me laugh when someone congratulates parents for some fantastic thing the kid…

A white man could fly a jet into a skyscraper and he’d be “A victim of GPS recalculation.”