va-jay-jay?!?!? This is why until recently Plan B wasn't sold to minors because even grown-ups can't be adult enough to say "vagina," or "vulva!"

Whenever I go out with a female, whether it's a work-lunch thing, or a date, or out with a friend, I always offer to pay. Nine times out of ten, my offer will be rebuffed, even when I insist. I don't always ask, but when I do ask why they won't accept my offer, the answer I always get is they don't want it to be…

It's a fragrance by Ed Hardy.

You probably look great, anyway.

Why won't Liverpool let Suarez leave? Because they don't have to let him do anything. He's under contract; and though not playing him could be just as detrimental to the club as letting him go, he can ride the pine for all John Henry cares. It'll be exactly like what happened to Tevez at Man City, where he rode the…

Des Moines, here I come!

Don't forget about certain strands of HPV(the non-cervical cancer causing ones).

Lindy, that's you?!? You're gorgeous!

Why not Phoenix? They can use my EPL Fantasy team name: Maricopa United.

What about the original Fiat 500?

Yup, we're so uninterested in the game that we don't want to risk getting kicked out by doing what we'd rather be doing.

Officially, Bayern had to wait until after the Champions League final to announce the coup of signing Gotze away from Dortmund; but the deal had been leaked weeks before, and Bayern also made public their intention of luring away Lewandowski(Side Note: Gotze didn't play in the Champions League final for Dortmund…

Officially, Bayern had to wait until after the Champions League final to announce the coup of signing Gotze away from Dortmund; but the deal had been leaked weeks before, and Bayern also made public their intention of luring away Lewandowski(Side Note: Gotze didn't play in the Champions League final for Dortmund…

"Tosser" is still acceptable.

I know a girl who used to fap to Rhonda on Friday nights.

If you need a calculator, spreadsheet or app to let you do simple arithmetic; I feel sorry for you and don't want you anywhere near me.

Being from Texas, I have NEVER been a fan of Rick Perry; but he did make it mandatory for girls to receive this vaccine in Texas.

The day after the Zimmerman verdict, I had a Mexican-American friend, who is a prison guard at a maximum security prison in Texas, re-blog several posts on Facebook about white victims being killed by black "Thugs" with no media outcry similar to that which followed the Trayvon Martin killing. She tried telling me…

No way! I'm hoping we come to our senses and instead pursue cheaper, quality strikers who aren't head-cases.

Sir Alex would have done it because he's...well, let's just say that I am not a fan of Sir Alex.