"Good game, bro. Now, make me a t-shirt commemorating my win."

Also, the Cole Hamels in the picture is actually Tom Gordon in whiteface.

I know a lot people are making "colorblind" jokes about all these throwback unis, but I actually am partially colorblind, and I have to say, I've created every single one of these terrible jerseys for my fake Madden teams. Almost exactly.

@Weed Against Speed: Quality twitter. Lofty twitter.

Stafon, do me a favor. Just say "You don't always die from tobaccoooooo."

@Phinstripes: I like the part where a bunch of drunken idiots pointlessly start causing problems.

Listen, when Bob Denver tells you to stop, you fucking stop.

Eh, Tyler Perry movie about it, or it didn't happen.

@MarkKelsosMigraine: And I know it was him, because he told me to fuck myself when I waved.

@drewheyman: Or Korean.

@SavetoFavorites: Not since I started work as a writing tutor.

giraffe27:

@lukeoneil47: "Everyone's a little bit gay."

@Beer-Fart: ...Or the contract offered by his coach.

So I guess the Miami Dolphins have no shot when Scott Fujita's contract runs out.

@ClintonPortishead: Considering people with working hearts keep refusing to play for Jerry Richardson, this only makes sense.

And yet Bob Johnson owns an NBA team.

David Letterman Banged Paris Hilton: 5/1

@UkraineNotWeak: Fiddlesticks! I'll box his ears!

If something happens to Clint Black, Eagles fans will throw a party.