This is a stupid sentiment.

The list is pretty good. Generally, the nutrionist is saying that, at best, those processed snacks get a C, or generally are garbage and should not be fed to children or adults on a regular basis.

I hope he has “Keeps spreadsheets on potential mates” as a prominent field in his “Why I am still single” spreadsheet.

The DENNIS System.

48 hours from now: “I lied about being intoxicated because... erm... Zika?”

The Pope of the Hardwood meets the Pope of the Hardwood.

>> Lord knows what’s actually going on here

On the plus side, the gentleman can expect a tidy offer of $1,000,000 from Larry Flynt to star in “Rio Pole Vaultin’ Nights.”

Okay.

Broom versus Beverage Bucket is literally the only sport that could ever entice me to watch the Olympics.

The weights are entirely superfluous to this incident.

“The doctors think it might have something to do with my lifting a heavy weight over my head.”

A moment of thought is all the sport of archery is worth.

Having said that, I can fully understand why you, having been tasked with coming up with something — ANYTHING — to write about the incredibly dull Olympics would fall back to wardrobe commentary.

Why are half-bras on doughy, middle-aged dudes dope?

By the way, I can easily top this...

Fill one dough chamber with dilithium crystals and make the cross country trip in seven seconds.

I am inclined to follow this writer for the following reasons:

What an irredeemable shitbag.