Okay.

Broom versus Beverage Bucket is literally the only sport that could ever entice me to watch the Olympics.

The weights are entirely superfluous to this incident.

“The doctors think it might have something to do with my lifting a heavy weight over my head.”

A moment of thought is all the sport of archery is worth.

Having said that, I can fully understand why you, having been tasked with coming up with something — ANYTHING — to write about the incredibly dull Olympics would fall back to wardrobe commentary.

Why are half-bras on doughy, middle-aged dudes dope?

By the way, I can easily top this...

Fill one dough chamber with dilithium crystals and make the cross country trip in seven seconds.

I am inclined to follow this writer for the following reasons:

What an irredeemable shitbag.