They will barely cut anything. They will just borrow more money.

iPhone users will have to rely on “new gesture controls”

If Mexico’s going to pay for the wall, and FEMA’s the one that’d be giving money for the wall... does that mean that FEMA is Mexico?

Boy, I really hope somebody got fired for that bl...oh, wait.

Sorry guys. The whole “The Simpsons is running forever” thing is my fault. I got one of those monkey’s paws in 1994.

Well, that’s highly specific advice, but I’m sure it’ll come in handy!

Username/comment synergy at least.

Here, still greyed out. Ugh...

What a crowd. What a turnout.

Had he ended it with something like “this is how it’s supposed to be, people helping people” instead of some red pill nonsense about gender studies it would have been a nice sentiment.

It would be interesting to chart behavior of people in seven-year marital contracts. For example, would they behave differently in the final year, if they wanted to renew? Would they behave like athletes in the final year of a contract, putting in a greater than usual effort? Would they tank in order to exit more…

When I was a child, I spoke like a gibbering psychopath, I thought like a spree killer, I reasoned like a racist.

How about in a disaster scenario every person able to get to safety under their own power should do so, and every person able to assist another person to get to safety faster should do so, everybody rising to the level of their ability on that particular day? Like, does this guy get turned on looking at this picture?…

And then the boat they get into, despite what your land vehicle studies professor says.

Jeff Daniels protects geese. Geese attack pedestrians. This is how it ought to be, regardless of what your gander studies professor says.

“Decimated” originally meant losing only one-tenth, which would be a hell of a lot better than what actually happened!

Does Paul Fistinyourface still have the imaginary daughter or is that only Ricky?

It’s been a real time saver since I’m not reading nearly as many comment threads on here anymore. Mr. Scorpio says productivity is up 2%, and it’s all because of Kinja’s motivational techniques

That story about working with Peter Jackson is amazing and almost made me tear up. I might just forgive him for the three Hobbit movies!

It is super sad that there are only ~14 comments on this. I’m glad you’re still writing, Will, your RRs are the best ones.