Oh, of course. I just find it important to mention the distinction sometimes because I know that not only is it hard for lots of people to acknowledge and admit nonphysical abuse, but a lot of times people who are “only” victims of verbal abuse are given the message that they’re not “real” victims and so are less…

In many cases even if it does turn physical it can be hard to see straight (sometimes literally), because of course he is “so sorry and will never do it again.” Also he was “stressed/drunk and unable to control himself.”

Where did I say that? I’m saying you can both hold her accountable for her shitiness without dismissing the possibility of abuse. Nuance: it’s a thing.

Yes, absolutely. My problem with this article is that it seems to make two groups: helpless woman capable of being abused versus shrewd woman with agency who is not. My point is that you can condemn her for her complicity in her husband’s policies while still holding the possibility open that she might be a victim who…

It happens to the best of us!

Yep.

I’m not. I have a stalker because I ignored the fact that every girl he knew was “crazy”. But if someone has domestic assault charges or brags about treating his exes terrible he’s going to do it to you. You aren’t special. You aren’t the one who can “fix him” no matter what Twilight and 50 Shades says. There is…

One website where I hang out now, but unfortunately doesn’t post as frequently, is feministcurrent.com

I almost cried. This was me almost EXACTLY. (I am not quite as academically achieved 😉). But the ease of it all. The shame. It really can happen to anyone. ANYONE. I don’t want to preach, but don’t let anybody on here make you feel stupid or like some helpless damsel in distress. Gaslighting is a horrible, subtle,…

Hmmm. Maybe that IS why we need the “Free Melania” signs? I’m totally throwing shit out there now... In fact, that goddamn inaugural gif has become like the Kennedy “magic bullet” video for me in the last 24 hours- I’m becoming obsessed! But anyway, you could be right. Now is her chance to make a break, and our…

Let me know if you do, I would happily follow you there!

Every day since Trump got elected I see the feminism of this site errode a little. Pretty soon it will be nothing but makeup/sex tips, fashion and weight-loss advice. I’ll have to find new places to hang out.

I may have to start a new blog of my own.

I see her through the lens of my past DV work which included a lot of foreign-born women whose husbands had sought them out specifically with the idea that Asian/Russian/Eastern European women were “real women” unlike the American harpies. You can imagine what those guys were like as husbands. After Marla maybe Donald…

Thank YOU! You articulated what I couldn’t, that there’s this certainty - and with it a sense of superiority - that “it could never happen to me!” But it can! I thought that too and it isolated me more than anything when I needed help.

Omg, I love you so much for sharing this!

My last boyfriend (relationship ended almost 10 years ago) was a asshole who totally did a 180 on me once the relationship honeymoon period was over and I too have a college degree and consider myself a smart and independent woman with agency. I felt so foolish when I…

She should have known better, wearing a sexy outfit at a frat party... I MEAN marrying Donald Trump. Boy is my face red!

Thank you for sharing. It really can happen to anyone. Love and solidarity <3

I’m shocked that at a feminist site where there are tons of stories just like this and where we acknowledge Trump is a narcissist and most know how they can be, we can make blanket statements like “She knew what she was getting into”.

This is exactly what I’m thinking. I feel that if this wasn’t centered around an elected official that we don’t like, the attitude would be very different.

I know tons of intelligent women who got into relationships with people I thought were obviously assholes. Even had a friend who wouldn’t delete her ex’s number after he said super racist shit to her. You’re oversimplifying a complex issue