What makes a bagel inherently savory? It's just bread. Just add a little more sugar into the dough than usual. I've had it; it works.

No, we'd be taking retribution, not giving forgiveness.

Was the mom Jewish or something?
And if you're trying to bond with him, find a good chocolate chip bagel. And with a strawberry cream cheese spread, oh my god.

I love Dick, finally a show I can truly enjoy and wrap my mouth around.

Me next!

cough*Emmy-award winner Kate McKinnon*cough

too soon

Are you a proctologist?

I wasn't so hard on her because ostensibly, she needed the money to take her sister away from a negligent, possibly dangerous household.

We can't know for sure, until he drops his pants.

They are like those two friends you know who have known each other for a while and are constantly fighting, and you know they really just want to fuck each other but they refuse to acknowledge it, and you're just waiting in anticipation and bemusement for it to happen.

I refuse to believe this beef was not settled through any other means other than fast, furious butt sex.

Our Mexican overlords are taking over!! We must take our country back!!! First they will come for America, then they will come for Bonerland!!!!

I thought the Barnes and Noble staff were obviously in on it, considering the guy's "Stephen King is one of our most popular authors!" line at the end.

Excuse me, her name is Katy Perry and she's more than just a pair of giant balloons.

Here's a good piece of news to brighten up your day Dikachu:

Black, strong, steaming, grande, and making me choke if it goes down my throat too fast.

Meanwhile, your dad was wondering why the hell his catalogs weren't coming. He probably quickly figured out what was going on, but felt sorry for you so he didn't say anything. That's what I'd like to think.

Like they say: No cumin, no cumin'.

You hear this guy, everyone?!?! He's the real racist!!!
-DJT